Episode 84

Episode 84 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster


Home Schooling 1123
Elf on the Shelf 1065
Christmas Trees -405
See All the Problems...

“People who were homeschooled are weird and lack social skills.” Says Asterios Kokkinos, the guy who dressed up as Grumble Bee, a bumble bee-based character of his own design, to go on a daytime television game show where he was chewed out by America’s most accessible comedian during a commercial break for making a game show too awkward. If that’s not the pot calling the kettle Rain Man, I don’t know what is.

Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase.

Maddox brings in home schooling and all hell erupts on this episode. Like usual, I side with stupid and believe parents have the best interests of their children in mind. I’m just biased because I was homeschooled on the only things that matter in life: women and money. The only math and spelling I need is how to add the letters U and the D.

If you were homeschooled as a kid or if you homeschool your kids, comment below, unless you’re too busy dipping your dick in mayonnaise or blogging about taxidermy or drawing thousands of pictures of your local Starbucks barista. Or maybe you’re too busy building a Real Doll that looks like one of those racist Chinese aliens from the Star Wars prequels like this winner:


Listener @Phil_XG sends us some fan art in the form of Biggest Problem emojis. Check them out, and pay especially close attention to how much my emoji does not look like me and instead looks like Prince Valium from Space Balls.

Asterios brings in the Elf on a Shelf, a seemingly harmless Christmas tradition that is actually an Orwellian primer for a Yuletide surveillance state. War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Meme-ing is parenting. I’m just sorry we didn’t learn about the Mensch on a Bench until after this podcast.

I finish the episode with Christmas Trees. Christmas Trees are like penises. They’re all crooked, they all look more majestic with a trim, and what are you supposed to do when everyone’s sick of it? Throw it in the attic? They don’t teach you that stuff in public school.

Happy Holidays and here’s hoping that Santa brings Maddox some actual stats on homeschooling for Christmas.

-Maddox here. Due to all the debating, I didn’t get to all of my research and videos. Here’s a video of a girl’s home school routine, which includes eating fruit loops in bed, playing Minecraft and going on a bike ride with her mom:

And another one, where their curriculum includes a Bible picture book and a “science” book called “Investigating God’s World.” I wonder what they say about carbon dating?

And here’s a girl who wasn’t allowed to listen to music because it was “too secular.” Though she still thinks her experience was positive:

And here is a more radical offshoot of home schooling called “unschooling” where kids don’t have to learn anything they don’t want to and can decide their own nutrition:

Here’s a KOOL KID who loves homeschooling. All pros, no cons because he can’t think of any. In a nutshell, you can do whatever you want. It’s a Libertarian paradise!


Check out Asterios’ The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man Part II: www.devastatorpress.com/megaman2
And follow him on Twitter @asterios.

And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners:

iDebate.org – Home Schooling Pros and Cons.
Yale – How to run a successful classroom, and other things parents haven’t been trained to do.
NY Times – Only 9 states require that parents have at least a high school diploma or equivalent in order to teach their children, and children are only required to have formal outside assessment in 25 states..

Thumbnail Sources:
Elf on the Shelf

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