|Tapping Your Back Pocket To Make Sure Your Wallet is Still There||244|
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Welcome back to the Biggest Solution in the Universe. The only podcast that solves every problem in the universe from not enough energy to not enough energy.
Maddox brings in Steam Engines. If you think that’s a good solution, I guess you’ll also have to vote up Time Travel so you can go back to 1885 and board a steam locomotive to Syphilis Town, because those are the only steam engines I know about! Maddox alleges that most power on Earth is generated by steam engines, including coal and nuclear power. All I know is, if steam power is so ubiquitous, why aren’t we all walking around in top hats and brass codpieces and XXL corsets, trying to hide our online fursonas? Steam punk is fucked and so is steam.
Simpsons Zinc clip
Crash Course World History #32 on YouTube
I bring in a fan solution brought to you by Weird Matthew McConaughey: Tapping Your Pocket to Make Sure Your Wallet is There. It’s a solution that was invented immediately after the pocket and is used hundreds of times a day by every man on Earth. If you don’t think it’s the biggest solution in the universe, try going a day without it. By the end of the day, you won’t even know if your dick is there.
Maddox brings in Deworming Pills, a solution that affects dogs and humans alike. Did I say humans? I meant humans in the third world. Worms have been shown to dramatically reduce test scores and literacy rates, and also statistically increase the chance of being full of gross parasites. Africa doesn’t need $100 laptops and shoes with emojis on them. They need deworming pills–as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti.
Finally, my solution of batteries is sure to take home the gold this week. Imagine a world without batteries. Vibrators, remote controls, and pagers, all of the things most essential to daily life would be merely a fevered dream of a syphilitic, parasite infested maniac.
Plus… here’s a little bonus to your Bonus, but Maddox goes on a rant about Dark Souls at the end of this episode while I take a leak. Does he finish before I get back from the bathroom? Spoiler: no.
Tune in next month when we discuss a big announcement on tomorrow’s podcast!
YouTube – Steam Engine History.
NY Times – In India, a small pill with positive side effects.
New Republic – Stop Trying to Save the World.
The Week – How to make sure foreign aid campaigns actually work.
Reader’s Digest – Lost Wallet Test.
Battery University – Battery Statistics.