Episode 100 Transcript courtesy of Laurie F. and Megan Pennock
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We did it. We recorded our 100th episode, so all the people who said we couldn’t do it, all zero of you, take that. But we didn’t do this on our own, a special extended thanks to all of the people who made this podcast possible, starting with the opening theme you hear every week made by the brilliant Brett Mann. Our lovely and talented transcribers, Laurie Foster and Megan Pennock, all the people who’ve helped make thumbnails (Jack Tubbs, Clay Rodery, Eliazar Tatar, Ali Hassanein, Jessica Safron), Producer Randy and all of our guests who’ve been on the show, the callers, the gifts, and anyone we may have missed, all of that makes this show worth listening to. A sincere thanks from all of us here at The Biggest Problem.
And coming soon, Maddox has a big announcement on the show: An all-new podcast along with the launch of a new podcast network! Details will be forthcoming, stay tuned…
Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase.
This is the big one folks. The big 100. We’ve got songs, gifts, celebrities, and a bombshell problem from Sean, but first, we kick off the celebration with a scintillating recap of the political satire problem from last week. Scintillating means “makes you want to kill yourself”, right? Then Maddox treats us to the worst Dick vs Dick in the history of the show, reaching back 8 years into the past and pulling probably the least contentious passage from my mansterpiece Men Are Better Than Women, also on sale, and shoving it in my face. I don’t know where explaining someone’s own book to them falls on the mansplaining man-mometer, but I bet it’s pretty high! Go vote up Maddox! Special thanks to Alex Bevan for reading Dick’s lucid prose.
Maddox brings in Asteroids and claims you have a higher chance of being killed by an asteroid than attacked by a shark. The math doesn’t lie! We each propose radically different solutions to the asteroid problem. Maddox proposes defunding Planned Parenthood and forming a new world government ruled (presumably) by him, and I want to know when the rioting and looting starts. Come to think of it, those are our solutions to every problem. Go vote up sharks!
Sean finally brings in his long cockteased problem. It feels like a spoiler to even reveal it in this post, so I’ll just say this: if you want to avoid any spoilers, IT’S ADDICTION. Fuck you. Go vote up Spoiler Cry Babies. And here’s the addiction video that Maddox mentioned, making good on his threat to post it:
I round out this mega-episode with a problem that has vexed man since the beginning of time. Women! I’ll take my chances with the asteroid thank you very much.
We also got a bunch of sweet and shitty gifts pictured here.
And an asteroid sized thank you to Ali Hassanein who produced this bitchin’ piece to celebrate our 100th episode. It’s so good I’m addicted to it. Women.
Thanks again to everyone for listening, and an actual, genuine thanks if you’ve purchased our bonus episode available now for low, low price of $1.33. If you haven’t, what are you waiting for? A smart alecky comment? I hope so because that’s what you just got.
Happy 100th episode, everyone. Here’s to 100 more.
Here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners:
The Harvard Crimson – Political Satire: Beyond the Humor
BBC.com – If the Tunguska asteroid landed 4 hours later, it would have hit St. Petersburg
Wikipedia – The Tunguska event released a burst of energy equivalent to around 10-15 megatons of TNT
Planetary Science Institute – We’re overdue for a large asteroid strike
Killerasteroids.org – Some outdated stats on the likelihood of dying by asteroids
ABC News – Women Driving into Other Women.
YouTube – Al Bundy’s Greatest Hits Part I and Part II.
Wikipedia – Addiction.
Fireball, Earth, Another Fireball.