Episode 97 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock
|See All the Problems...|
There are only three more action packed episodes until everyone can finally have an opinion about the problem Sean brings in. Will it be hot shit or horseshit? Will it get deleted? Will it be about how no one helps Sean set up his audio equipment every week? There’s only one way to find out!
Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase.
This episode, I bring in Decision Fatigue, the #1 cause of “can’t even” syndrome. According to my research, having too many choices makes you fat, stupid, worse at making decisions, and makes everything in life shittier. Those are the same reasons that public services announcements give to not do drugs. If you’re thinking of voting this election season, think of the effect all that choice will have on your overall happiness. Play it safe and stay home.
When you choose, you lose.
Maddox brings in Overpopulation Alarmists with the merciless take-down of 18th-century philosopher Thomas Malthus that you’re going to have to hear to believe. Among other things, Malthus didn’t predict the agricultural revolution and the fundamental change it would bring to sustainable levels of human civilization. What an idiot! Thomas Malthus would be pissing his pants in his grave right now if he wasn’t too dumb to even do that right. Malthus got a lot of things wrong — however, when pressed for the actual number of humans Earth could support between 7 billion and infinity, Maddox was stumped. I’ve seen The Price is Right. You can’t give no answer on the Showcase Showdown.
I also bring in Bits, and the scientifically supported theory that people who compulsively joke and make puns suffer from brain damage. Comedy bits? More like bits of your brain are fucked. If you know someone who jokes compulsively even when you’re trying to talk to a girl and even when they aren’t funny, don’t just stop hanging around that person and talk shit about them on your podcast, get them the medical help they need. From what I’ve learned in cartoons, the only way to fix brain damage is with another, more severe blow to the head.
Maddox brings in Prank Bros and shows a series of Internet “prank” videos that are either felonies or obvious fabrications, depending on how tall your soap box is. I think kids throwing milk around a store is hilarious, but as my previous problem showed, I have serious brain damage. Vote with your gut on this one, not your brain, and whatever you do don’t think too much about it. It will make you fat.
Here’s h3h3Productions take-down of the shitty Moe and ET “social experiment” where they assault people for the crime of using Craigslist:
Check out this hilarious prank where JoshPalerLin breaks windows in “the hood.” But it’s okay because in the end, he gives everyone a “free” car wash. Totally worth it!
And check out VitalyzdTv egging car “prank in the hood,” which is code for “black people about to be harassed:”
And to end things on a lighter note–a felony–here’s some illegal police impersonation by TwinzTV:
And the infamous “gallon smash” video that spawned a million imitators:
Here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners:
Wikipedia – What is a Decision Fatigue?
James Clear – Parole Judges.
NY Times – Are you a Decision Fatigue?
Mental Floss – Bits.
Wikipedia – Malthusian Catastrophe, aka, non-existent alarmist bullshit.
Science Scene – Malthus’ population predictions
Forbes – 7 Billion Reasons Malthus Was Wrong.