The Biggest Problem in the Universe http://biggest.thedickshow.com All the problems in the universe, in descending order. Wed, 20 Jun 2018 05:45:33 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Copyright © The Biggest Problem in the Universe 2015 dickmasterson@gmail.com (Maddox, Dick Masterson) dickmasterson@gmail.com (Maddox, Dick Masterson) 1440 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/biggest_problem_1400x14002.jpg The Biggest Problem in the Universe http://biggest.thedickshow.com 144 144 All the problems in the universe, in descending order. Maddox, Dick Masterson Maddox, Dick Masterson dickmasterson@gmail.com no yes Episode 107 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-107/ Tue, 31 May 2016 12:13:08 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2412 Well this is it, what may end up being the biggest problem in the history of this show, the problem nobody wanted or saw coming: the end of shows. Sometimes shows run their course, and this is one of those times. After 107 consecutive episodes, this will be the final show for The Biggest Problem … Continue reading Episode 107

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1:29:35 The End of Shows 646 See All the Problems... Well this is it, what may end up being the biggest problem in the history of this show, the problem nobody wanted or saw coming: the end of shows. Sometimes shows run their course, and this is o[...] The End of Shows 646 See All the Problems... Well this is it, what may end up being the biggest problem in the history of this show, the problem nobody wanted or saw coming: the end of shows. Sometimes shows run their course, and this is one of those times. After 107 consecutive episodes, this will be the final show for The Biggest Problem in the Universe. When we took a break 2 weeks ago, I had every intention of coming back to regular episodes today. Unfortunately that can’t happen, but we’re going out with something a lot of fans have requested for a long time: the full intro song at the end of this episode. Also, we have a brief cap at the top of the show with the ever-boisterous coconut, Asterios. The final episode includes a problem from the most-downloaded episode in the show’s history: Well-Intentioned Idiots, and a fan-favorite guest, Ryan Holiday. We go over the final tally of problems and solutions and reminisce about the show. When I first started this show, I created it as an experiment to see if people would vote on these problems week after week. It turned out to be wildly successful and highly scientific, so it’s an element I’d like to continue in other podcasts I work on. And speaking of… This goodbye is only temporary because the new podcast and the new podcast network is still launching within the next two weeks. I’ll be posting about it on Facebook, Twitter and the site that started it all, The Best Page in the Universe. If you’d like to call in and leave a voicemail or song for the new show to speculate what it’s about or to simply ask life-advice, the new number is: 1-562-58-I-RULE (1-562-584-7853) Special thanks to all of the guests, callers, people who sent in gifts, fans who came out to the live shows, people who bought me drinks and all of the contributors and people who work behind the scenes to make this podcast possible, including producer Randy, Sean the audio engineer, assistant Jessica, Laurie Foster and Megan Pennock. This show wouldn’t be possible without you. One final shout-out to Harry’s for supporting this show over the years. Go to Harrys.com/BIGGESTPROBLEMS and use the promo code, BIGGESTPROBLEMS, to get $5 off your first purchase. It’s been a genuine pleasure working with these guys. And finally, a very special thanks to me for tirelessly putting in 10-12 hours per episode for over 2 years, without a single break. You’re welcome. So long for now, it’s been a hell of a ride. Lots more to come. Here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: The post Episode 107 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 107 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 106 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-106/ Tue, 24 May 2016 21:30:18 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2400 Episode 106 Transcript cobbled together by Laurie Foster Here’s our second best-of episode where we play the first-ever “Weird Matthew McConaughey” voicemail before we gave him the moniker, a classic Bono phone call and the origin of the “go fuck yourself” tag that started from a pattern of disparate comments and voicemail we received. Dick … Continue reading Episode 106

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1:05:32 Episode 106 Transcript cobbled together by Laurie Foster Self-Defeating Thoughts 3383 Toms Shoes 3212 Hoverboard Hoaxes 1734 See All the Problems... Here’s our second best-of episode where we play the first-ever “Weird [...] Episode 106 Transcript cobbled together by Laurie Foster Self-Defeating Thoughts 3383 Toms Shoes 3212 Hoverboard Hoaxes 1734 See All the Problems... Here’s our second best-of episode where we play the first-ever “Weird Matthew McConaughey” voicemail before we gave him the moniker, a classic Bono phone call and the origin of the “go fuck yourself” tag that started from a pattern of disparate comments and voicemail we received. Dick starts us out with Hoverboard Hoaxes and bemoans the lack of boards that hover without the aid of wheels or superconducting rails or weird vacuum contraptions, and I discuss my master plan for stealing the crown jewels. Everyone on the show agrees that it’s brilliant and it was never discussed again. Then I talk about the problem I’ve received the most email about in this show’s history: self-defeating thoughts. This one hit close to home for a lot of listeners and I felt that it was worth including in a “best-of.” If you disagree, you might want to check yourself because that’s a self-defeating thought. Then Asterios rounds out the third problem with Toms Shoes and faux-altruism. Say that last word out loud to appreciate that brilliant portmanteau I created. And stay tuned to the end to hear one of our favorite fan songs by @BandWagonBedlam called, “Too Much Swearing,” a reference to an earlier problem Dick brought in of the same name. And for the curious, the bonus episode referred to in the promo was Bonus Episode 3. Here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: The post Episode 106 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 106 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 105 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-105/ Tue, 17 May 2016 17:57:51 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2378 Episode 105 Transcript cobbled together by Laurie Foster Here’s our first-ever “Best-Of” episode, which after putting it together, may actually be the best episode of this show we’ve ever made. But so is every show we record. This episode has us spanning the gamut from douchebags, from the ones so loud you can hear them … Continue reading Episode 105

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1:06:08 Episode 105 Transcript cobbled together by Laurie Foster Loud Muffler Douchebags 4168 Bro-Downs 2759 Stonewalling Vegans 2524 See All the Problems... Here’s our first-ever “Best-Of” episode, which after putting it[...] Episode 105 Transcript cobbled together by Laurie Foster Loud Muffler Douchebags 4168 Bro-Downs 2759 Stonewalling Vegans 2524 See All the Problems... Here’s our first-ever “Best-Of” episode, which after putting it together, may actually be the best episode of this show we’ve ever made. But so is every show we record. This episode has us spanning the gamut from douchebags, from the ones so loud you can hear them in your home when they drive by, to another kind of douchebag: the party bro and the ensuing nipple-fencing that occurs every time they feel remotely slighted. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harrys.com/BIGGESTPROBLEMS and use the promo code, BIGGESTPROBLEMS, to get $5 off your first purchase. And we round things out with the douchebag theme with the saggiest of bags of douche: the stonewalling vegan. A statistically rare creature, as vegans represent only 0.5% of the US population, they make up over 90% of the crying you hear when you go to restaurants. We all know one, because they won’t stop talking about their stupid extreme diets. They’re like a good-time wrecking ball that can destroy the most meticulous of dinner plans. They can’t just go to a social gathering, order something and shut their grass-eating holes because they have the constant need to soak up every last ounce of attention and make the night about them and their needs. Vegans, for being such allegedly thoughtful and compassionate people, don’t care about the suffering their friends, families and colleagues constantly endure at the behest of the arbitrary dietary restrictions. Arbitrary in the sense that nobody who lives in modern society is truly vegan, because emulsifiers that come from beef are used in almost everything we manufacture, from shampoos and paints, to the plastic used in the very keyboards they use to type out their whiny guilt-tripping screeds. Their diets kill billions of animals in harvesters, but they brush it off by saying it’s “unintentional.” Cool, I guess by that logic we should let drunk drivers off the hook too. Maybe both problems can be solved by having an Uber-like service where all the drivers are drunk and they only pick up vegans. Possible Biggest Solution…? Here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: VegetarianTimes – Vegans represent 0.5% of the US, that’s approximately 1-million loud-ass whiners Thumbnail Sources: Car, Court, Rims, Pipe Original thumbnail courtesy of Jack Tubbs The post Episode 105 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 105 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 104 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-104/ Tue, 10 May 2016 18:33:43 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2355 Episode 104 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock and Laurie F. We open this week’s show with discussing the social media meltdown revolving around the word “cuck.” Over the weekend I made a simple meme that made fun of both major political candidates, as they’re both as likeable as a shot of bleach. Guess which side … Continue reading Episode 104

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1:29:03 Episode 104 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock and Laurie F. Tipping 786 Bureaucracy 741 Post-Credit Scenes 81 See All the Problems... We open this week’s show with discussing the social media meltdown revolving around the [...] Episode 104 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock and Laurie F. Tipping 786 Bureaucracy 741 Post-Credit Scenes 81 See All the Problems... We open this week’s show with discussing the social media meltdown revolving around the word “cuck.” Over the weekend I made a simple meme that made fun of both major political candidates, as they’re both as likeable as a shot of bleach. Guess which side had a COMPLETE MELTDOWN? Turns out that these people, for all their bloviating about PC culture being too sensitive, are quite sensitive! Want to reproduce my results? Just follow these simple steps: 1. Make an innocuous joke like this: 2. Sit back and enjoy the overly-sensitive, crybaby dipshits try to insult you with the only word in their vocabulary: “cuck.” Here’s an example from a more advanced writer, notice the conjunction of the word “cuck” and “master” to create the compound word, “cuckmaster”? Pretty clever. This writer even manages to use 3 other words: So I made this video in response, and the cry-babies proved my point that they’re overly sensitive and thin-skinned by expressing their outrage. Just look at the votes/comments: Dick tries to explain the old Shakespearean meaning of the word, which is essentially putting other’s interest before your own. Others have pointed out that this manifests itself in the phenomenon of raising another man’s offspring. Oh man, how embarrassing! I can think of nothing more insulting in this world than someone who would either A) get off to watching other people having sex or B) would want to actually raise a child they didn’t father/mother. Look at these suckers getting cuckolded! Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harrys.com/BIGGESTPROBLEMS and use the promo code, BIGGESTPROBLEMS, to get $5 off your first purchase. Big announcement this episode: we’ll be taking the next two weeks off so I can take time to focus on launching the new podcast and network. More details soon. But I won’t leave you hanging, as we’ll have best-of episodes in its place, with mix-and-match problems. Sound off below about your favorites. We’ll be back to live episodes on May 30th. And for those who still want a little extra to tide you over, here’s this month’s bonus episode if you haven’t checked it out, available for $1.33! Dick starts us off this week with his problem, which is a big one in my opinion: tipping. It’s a phenomenon that most people outside the United States aren’t familiar with, as it’s virtually unheard of in most of Europe, Asia and the Middle East. It puts you, the customer, in the position of also being the server’s manager. You can’t sit down and just enjoy your meal because you have to constantly be evaluating your server’s performance. It’s like becoming a temporary HR manager every time you get a sandwich at a restaurant: fun for no one. Then I bring in a problem that’s as cumbersome to spell as it is to abide: Bureaucracy. It’s in every facet of our lives, from phone companies, computer companies, cable companies, appliance companies, plumbers, electricians, power companies, gas utilities, the water company, garbage collectors, debt collectors, banks, universities, government, home owner’s associations, game tournaments and church. Everywhere we go in life, there’s needless and unwieldy procedures that people follow to a T. Every time you call tech support, you have to deal with a long list of touch or voice options, then you deal with a rep who makes you repeat their steps in the same order every single time. There’s no deviation from the script, no room for efficiency. Just needless and rote adherence to procedure. Vote up Human Robots! Then Dick caps the episode with an episode-capper, post-credit scenes. He hates them because[...] Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 103 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-103/ Tue, 03 May 2016 17:11:47 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2338 Episode 103 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster We start out this show with voicemail like usual, which conveniently leads us to the first problem–and definitely a problem of the first-world order: voicemail. It’s obnoxious and the ones we play on the show are only a small fraction of the voicemail we receive. Maybe we’ll make … Continue reading Episode 103

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1:20:24 Episode 103 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Humorless Stupid People 826 The Texting Batter's Box 332 Voicemail 183 See All the Problems... We start out this show with voicemail like usual, which conveniently leads us to the fi[...] Episode 103 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Humorless Stupid People 826 The Texting Batter's Box 332 Voicemail 183 See All the Problems... We start out this show with voicemail like usual, which conveniently leads us to the first problem–and definitely a problem of the first-world order: voicemail. It’s obnoxious and the ones we play on the show are only a small fraction of the voicemail we receive. Maybe we’ll make a supercut of voicemail that didn’t make the show some day. We’ll call it, “melatonin.” Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harrys.com/BIGGESTPROBLEMS and use the promo code, BIGGESTPROBLEMS, to get $5 off your first purchase. Our guest, Michael Capes, joins us this week. For those of you who may not know, Michael is the purveyor of a lot of pranks and shenanigans, including his famous sneaking-into-Disney prank. He brings in “Humorless People.” If my intro paragraph pissed you off, you may be part of the problem. Michael talks about all the hurt butts in the comments section on Yahoo, YouTube and other online forums. I wonder if the comments on this site count? Only one way to tell: I’ll mention Trump and take shelter in my tear-proof bunker made out of bags of sand. Actual bags of sand, or boobs, I’m fine with either. And speaking of humorless comments, here’s the video I appeared in with Michael where we snuck into a night club with a crack team, ala Ocean’s 11 or 12. There are some real gems here: Also, special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off, or don’t to pay $50 more. Isn’t it about time you upgraded your sleep game? Thank you to Casper and Harry’s for supporting us. And here’s one of the episodes of “What To Text” we shot together: Finally Dick rounds out this episode with the “texting batter’s box,” but not before we argue about what a baby is. Turns out, nobody knows. As for the texting batter’s box, it’s a concept Dick has referred to in the past, but finally brought it in as a problem: texting as an extra base when it comes to sex. First base, as everyone knows, is making out. Second base is hands below the waist, or handy-town. Third is when things get a little more scandalous when mouths go below the waist, and a home run is when you score. So what’s the texting batter’s box? According to Dick, an extra step before you even step up to bat. A step that Dick argues is a potential stumbling-block, where not batting correctly could mean you don’t even step up to the plate. Is that how it works? I don’t know, I don’t watch baseball because I don’t hate myself. And finally, because people are asking, I’ll announce more details about the new podcast along with the network soon. Stay tuned… Here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Thumbnail by Eliazar Tatar Thumbnail Sources: Answering Machine, Counter The post Episode 103 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 103 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 102 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-102/ Tue, 26 Apr 2016 17:58:44 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2304 In this exciting episode, Maddox gets chewed out by a real Pokemon master, Sean deletes a coffee, and I forget to read an erotic story that's so good, you need a week to prepare for it. So wash the chili off of your sheets and get ready for another Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Do you have kids? If you do, chances are you're doing it wrong, and we'll tell you exactly how. Maddox brings Helicopter Parenting, the phenomenon of over-parenting your children, thereby stunting their growth and leaving them unable to cope with life as adults. Did your mom do your laundry? Then she probably turned you into an entitled, narcissistic, additional buzzword about millennials, who can't even poop without looking up how to do it on YouTube first. Who do these helicopter parents think they are? Do they think they live in a world where more than 15% of children are victims of sexual assault? They are and they do. Go vote up first time child experts.

I bring in The Job Lynch Mob. It's one part thought-crime, another part outrage porn, shaken not stirred by ten thousand loudmouths with too much time and too little control in their hands. To listeners, I ask the question: can you think of a tweet that's so offensive it should cost someone their job? You personally. If you can, vote it down. To me, opinions are like buttholes. I want a good, long look at all of them--especially the gross ones.

Maddox ends the episode with another kind of hovering annoyance: Mosquitos. Easily the biggest problem on this list, mosquitoes are responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths every year, the spread of dangerous diseases, and worst of all, waking me up buzzing in my ear like they own the place. Maddox claims we have the technology to end this menace once and for all, but it's being waylaid by something called "ethics". Go vote those up.

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1:31:24 In this exciting episode, Maddox gets chewed out by a real Pokemon master, Sean deletes a coffee, and I forget to read an erotic story that's so good, you need a week to prepare for it. So wash the chili off of your sheets and get ready for another [...] In this exciting episode, Maddox gets chewed out by a real Pokemon master, Sean deletes a coffee, and I forget to read an erotic story that's so good, you need a week to prepare for it. So wash the chili off of your sheets and get ready for another Biggest Problem in the Universe. Do you have kids? If you do, chances are you're doing it wrong, and we'll tell you exactly how. Maddox brings Helicopter Parenting, the phenomenon of over-parenting your children, thereby stunting their growth and leaving them unable to cope with life as adults. Did your mom do your laundry? Then she probably turned you into an entitled, narcissistic, additional buzzword about millennials, who can't even poop without looking up how to do it on YouTube first. Who do these helicopter parents think they are? Do they think they live in a world where more than 15% of children are victims of sexual assault? They are and they do. Go vote up first time child experts. I bring in The Job Lynch Mob. It's one part thought-crime, another part outrage porn, shaken not stirred by ten thousand loudmouths with too much time and too little control in their hands. To listeners, I ask the question: can you think of a tweet that's so offensive it should cost someone their job? You personally. If you can, vote it down. To me, opinions are like buttholes. I want a good, long look at all of them--especially the gross ones. Maddox ends the episode with another kind of hovering annoyance: Mosquitos. Easily the biggest problem on this list, mosquitoes are responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths every year, the spread of dangerous diseases, and worst of all, waking me up buzzing in my ear like they own the place. Maddox claims we have the technology to end this menace once and for all, but it's being waylaid by something called "ethics". Go vote those up. The post Episode 102 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 101 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-101/ Tue, 19 Apr 2016 18:52:17 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2293 In this episode, we talk about how Sean's problem changed someone's life, Maddox makes a big bet that's bigger than the entire solar system--or just slightly smaller than his ego. And I talk about personal freedoms for like 30 minutes on this very special libertarian holiday.

4/20 is like a Festivus of running your mouth for the world's most annoying, academically-enlightened know-it-alls: libertarians and drug addicts. I manage to combine both in my problem of the War on Drugs. The war on drugs has failed on all fronts. It has not lessened drug use, addiction, or abuse. It has increased ten-fold the number of Americans in for-profit prisons, and it has bent minorities and Mexico over and ducked them up the ass. The only thing the war on drugs has succeeded in doing is making mushrooms extremely difficult for me to find even though I promised these chicks I would get them some last weekend, so what am I supposed to do here?

Maddox brings in The Golem Effect because he really loves Lord of the Rings. Nerd! The Golem Effect is the phenomenon of lower expectations resulting in lower performance. In a way, Maddox is right. Samwise expected Golem to be a dick, and he was a dick. But in another way, Maddox is wrong because Golem was always a dick and had dicketry in his heart--even way back in the director's cut when Smeagol kills his Hobbit friend to get the Ring of Power in the first place. That's why the ring was able to corrupt him so completely and not Frodo, because he was a dick. Also, he talked like an asshole. Vote up Golem.

I bring in Ducking Autocorrect. Have you ever messaged your mom for sex or texted your girlfriend that you can't wait to get at her Holocaust after work? Have you ever used four "ha's" when you only meant to use three? You probably have if you use the half-broken technological piece of shot known as autocorrect. Autocorrect is like that one relationship you suspect you'd be better without, but it would take so much work to find out for sure. And by "that one" relationship I mean all relationships. Ducking relationships!

The episode ends with Maddox doubling down on his Dick vs. Dick in a real auditory bloodbath. The controversy probably won't be solved in this episode, but it raises the question, who is best suited to explain what I meant 8 years ago with my brazen and future-predicting 14-word Trump joke within the first 4 pages of my book? It's clearly not me. Possibly the only two men can interpret it are my editor, Jeremie Ruby-Strauss, or the man himself, Donald Trump.

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1:24:22 In this episode, we talk about how Sean's problem changed someone's life, Maddox makes a big bet that's bigger than the entire solar system--or just slightly smaller than his ego. And I talk about personal freedoms for like 30 minutes on this very s[...] In this episode, we talk about how Sean's problem changed someone's life, Maddox makes a big bet that's bigger than the entire solar system--or just slightly smaller than his ego. And I talk about personal freedoms for like 30 minutes on this very special libertarian holiday. 4/20 is like a Festivus of running your mouth for the world's most annoying, academically-enlightened know-it-alls: libertarians and drug addicts. I manage to combine both in my problem of the War on Drugs. The war on drugs has failed on all fronts. It has not lessened drug use, addiction, or abuse. It has increased ten-fold the number of Americans in for-profit prisons, and it has bent minorities and Mexico over and ducked them up the ass. The only thing the war on drugs has succeeded in doing is making mushrooms extremely difficult for me to find even though I promised these chicks I would get them some last weekend, so what am I supposed to do here? Maddox brings in The Golem Effect because he really loves Lord of the Rings. Nerd! The Golem Effect is the phenomenon of lower expectations resulting in lower performance. In a way, Maddox is right. Samwise expected Golem to be a dick, and he was a dick. But in another way, Maddox is wrong because Golem was always a dick and had dicketry in his heart--even way back in the director's cut when Smeagol kills his Hobbit friend to get the Ring of Power in the first place. That's why the ring was able to corrupt him so completely and not Frodo, because he was a dick. Also, he talked like an asshole. Vote up Golem. I bring in Ducking Autocorrect. Have you ever messaged your mom for sex or texted your girlfriend that you can't wait to get at her Holocaust after work? Have you ever used four "ha's" when you only meant to use three? You probably have if you use the half-broken technological piece of shot known as autocorrect. Autocorrect is like that one relationship you suspect you'd be better without, but it would take so much work to find out for sure. And by "that one" relationship I mean all relationships. Ducking relationships! The episode ends with Maddox doubling down on his Dick vs. Dick in a real auditory bloodbath. The controversy probably won't be solved in this episode, but it raises the question, who is best suited to explain what I meant 8 years ago with my brazen and future-predicting 14-word Trump joke within the first 4 pages of my book? It's clearly not me. Possibly the only two men can interpret it are my editor, Jeremie Ruby-Strauss, or the man himself, Donald Trump. The post Episode 101 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 100 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-100/ Tue, 12 Apr 2016 18:28:04 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2258 Happy 100th episode! Thanks for listening, and an actual, genuine thanks if you've purchased our bonus episode available now for low, low price of $1.33. If you haven't, what are you waiting for? A smart alecky comment? I hope so because that's what you just got.

Welcome to the big one folks. The big 100. We've got songs, gifts, celebrities, and a bombshell problem from Sean, but first, we kick off the celebration with a scintillating argument about politics, race, and gun violence. Scintillating means "makes you want to kill yourself", right? Then Maddox treats us to the worst Dick vs Dick in the history of the show, reaching back 8 years into the past and pulling probably the least contentious passage from my man-sterpiece Men Are Better Than Women, also on sale, and shoving it in my face. I don't know where explaining someone's own book to them falls on the mansplaining man-mometer, but I bet it's pretty high! Go vote up Maddox!

Maddox brings in Asteroids and claims you have a higher chance of being killed by an asteroid than attacked by a shark. The math doesn't lie! We each propose radically different solutions to the asteroid problem. Maddox proposes defunding Planned Parenthood and forming a new world government ruled (presumably) by him, and I want to know when the rioting and looting starts. Come to think of it, those are our solutions to every problem. Go vote up sharks!

Sean finally brings in his long teased problem. It feels like a spoiler to even reveal it in this post, so I'll just say this: if you want to avoid any spoilers, IT'S ADDICTION. Screw you. Go vote up Spoiler Cry Babies.

I round out this mega-episode with a problem that has vexed man since the beginning of time. Women! I'll take my chances with the asteroid thank you very much.

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1:47:47 Happy 100th episode! Thanks for listening, and an actual, genuine thanks if you've purchased our bonus episode available now for low, low price of $1.33. If you haven't, what are you waiting for? A smart alecky comment? I hope so because that's what[...] Happy 100th episode! Thanks for listening, and an actual, genuine thanks if you've purchased our bonus episode available now for low, low price of $1.33. If you haven't, what are you waiting for? A smart alecky comment? I hope so because that's what you just got. Welcome to the big one folks. The big 100. We've got songs, gifts, celebrities, and a bombshell problem from Sean, but first, we kick off the celebration with a scintillating argument about politics, race, and gun violence. Scintillating means "makes you want to kill yourself", right? Then Maddox treats us to the worst Dick vs Dick in the history of the show, reaching back 8 years into the past and pulling probably the least contentious passage from my man-sterpiece Men Are Better Than Women, also on sale, and shoving it in my face. I don't know where explaining someone's own book to them falls on the mansplaining man-mometer, but I bet it's pretty high! Go vote up Maddox! Maddox brings in Asteroids and claims you have a higher chance of being killed by an asteroid than attacked by a shark. The math doesn't lie! We each propose radically different solutions to the asteroid problem. Maddox proposes defunding Planned Parenthood and forming a new world government ruled (presumably) by him, and I want to know when the rioting and looting starts. Come to think of it, those are our solutions to every problem. Go vote up sharks! Sean finally brings in his long teased problem. It feels like a spoiler to even reveal it in this post, so I'll just say this: if you want to avoid any spoilers, IT'S ADDICTION. Screw you. Go vote up Spoiler Cry Babies. I round out this mega-episode with a problem that has vexed man since the beginning of time. Women! I'll take my chances with the asteroid thank you very much. The post Episode 100 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 99 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-99/ Tue, 05 Apr 2016 18:53:24 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2231 That's it ladies and gentlemen! This is the very last double digit episode. This is the very last time Sean will have not brought in a problem. This is the very last time alphanumeric sorting of our podcast episodes will be convenient. But if you think we're going to clear the 99th episode without a bitch being one, prepare yourselves because surprise special guest Asterios Kokkinos is back! Just kidding, I love Asterios. And he has a problem that will blow your mind.

Maddox starts the episode with Facebook Video. It's rare when a company can screw over their platform's content creators, advertisers, and users all in one stroke; but that's just what the talented folks at Facebook Video are doing--cramming autoplay videos into your feed like they're shoving a big blue thumb up your ass, screwing advertisers outside the box with 3 second ad "plays", and profiting from out of control piracy. There's no joke on that last one because it isn't a joke and I don't see how these guys don't have the hipster sued out of them. There's a solution for next month: Class Action Lawsuits. Screw Facebook Video.

Asterios breaks bad with his problem of Political Satire. I don't want to put words in his mouth, but I'm pretty sure he's saying that John Oliver is a sanctimonious, disingenuous, pandering shill with a message crafted only to turn his followers into smug, parroting advertisements for his garbage show and garbager Drumpf hats, but I may have misinterpreted some parts. Political satire has become a toothless tiger, a shameless and calculated alchemy of outrage porn and marketing demographics that is as cloying as it is cloistering. Instead of an agent of change, it's become an opiate for the disenfranchised, the closed-minded and the self-congratularati. But maybe Asterios is wrong. After all, it is it's 2016! Vote it up.

I round off the episode with Banging Your Funny Bone. That's the only bone in the world no one wants banged. Vote it up!

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1:31:17 That's it ladies and gentlemen! This is the very last double digit episode. This is the very last time Sean will have not brought in a problem. This is the very last time alphanumeric sorting of our podcast episodes will be convenient. But if you th[...] That's it ladies and gentlemen! This is the very last double digit episode. This is the very last time Sean will have not brought in a problem. This is the very last time alphanumeric sorting of our podcast episodes will be convenient. But if you think we're going to clear the 99th episode without a bitch being one, prepare yourselves because surprise special guest Asterios Kokkinos is back! Just kidding, I love Asterios. And he has a problem that will blow your mind. Maddox starts the episode with Facebook Video. It's rare when a company can screw over their platform's content creators, advertisers, and users all in one stroke; but that's just what the talented folks at Facebook Video are doing--cramming autoplay videos into your feed like they're shoving a big blue thumb up your ass, screwing advertisers outside the box with 3 second ad "plays", and profiting from out of control piracy. There's no joke on that last one because it isn't a joke and I don't see how these guys don't have the hipster sued out of them. There's a solution for next month: Class Action Lawsuits. Screw Facebook Video. Asterios breaks bad with his problem of Political Satire. I don't want to put words in his mouth, but I'm pretty sure he's saying that John Oliver is a sanctimonious, disingenuous, pandering shill with a message crafted only to turn his followers into smug, parroting advertisements for his garbage show and garbager Drumpf hats, but I may have misinterpreted some parts. Political satire has become a toothless tiger, a shameless and calculated alchemy of outrage porn and marketing demographics that is as cloying as it is cloistering. Instead of an agent of change, it's become an opiate for the disenfranchised, the closed-minded and the self-congratularati. But maybe Asterios is wrong. After all, it is it's 2016! Vote it up. I round off the episode with Banging Your Funny Bone. That's the only bone in the world no one wants banged. Vote it up! The post Episode 99 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 98 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-98/ Tue, 29 Mar 2016 18:50:18 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2207 Ever wondered what the podcast would sound like without Sean? You're going to love this one then. The Delete-o Bandito waltzes into the studio late in this episode with a drink in one hand and an excuse in the other, without a care in the world like he's pepper spraying student protesters at UC Davis. Just how late? You'll have to listen to find out. But speaking of protesters...

I bring in Road Blockheads. Those morons who block the freeway for reasons of love, hate, or the love of hatred. As far as I'm concerned, if you block the freeway for any reason other than "I screwed up", you've just declared a one-man personal Purge on yourself. Waze should award Road Munchies for running these jerks over. Remember, civil disobedience is still disobedience!

Maddox brings in Murderers. Charles Manson, OJ, Albert Fish, Hitler, each a more terrifying murderer than the last. But what about Planned Parenthood? Where do they fall on the scale? I'll let you hear how the rest of that conversation goes. Does Maddox murder his own problem? Or does he hit it and acquit it? Only the voting will decide.

I bring in Acne. If you voted down Living With Your Parents, and a lot of you did, something tells me you're going to vote this one up. I had acne as a teenager--and also last week...It sucks and no amount of lifting in the world will get rid of it. Vote it up unless you're too busy applying 3 billion dollars of rip-off creams to your open face wounds.

Maddox presents Junk in the Trunk, and he's not talking about having a fat ass--something that everyone pretends is attractive for some reason. He's talking about having a bunch of garbage in your car. We all do it, and apparently it's a huge waste of gas and deepening America dependence on foreign oil. Just how much gas are we wasting? Is it 100 pounds? Because that's the only number I retained from the presentation.

Tune in next week for our 99th episode and ensuing debate over, "What is a murder?" That seems about right for this show.

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1:27:29 Ever wondered what the podcast would sound like without Sean? You're going to love this one then. The Delete-o Bandito waltzes into the studio late in this episode with a drink in one hand and an excuse in the other, without a care in the world like[...] Ever wondered what the podcast would sound like without Sean? You're going to love this one then. The Delete-o Bandito waltzes into the studio late in this episode with a drink in one hand and an excuse in the other, without a care in the world like he's pepper spraying student protesters at UC Davis. Just how late? You'll have to listen to find out. But speaking of protesters... I bring in Road Blockheads. Those morons who block the freeway for reasons of love, hate, or the love of hatred. As far as I'm concerned, if you block the freeway for any reason other than "I screwed up", you've just declared a one-man personal Purge on yourself. Waze should award Road Munchies for running these jerks over. Remember, civil disobedience is still disobedience! Maddox brings in Murderers. Charles Manson, OJ, Albert Fish, Hitler, each a more terrifying murderer than the last. But what about Planned Parenthood? Where do they fall on the scale? I'll let you hear how the rest of that conversation goes. Does Maddox murder his own problem? Or does he hit it and acquit it? Only the voting will decide. I bring in Acne. If you voted down Living With Your Parents, and a lot of you did, something tells me you're going to vote this one up. I had acne as a teenager--and also last week...It sucks and no amount of lifting in the world will get rid of it. Vote it up unless you're too busy applying 3 billion dollars of rip-off creams to your open face wounds. Maddox presents Junk in the Trunk, and he's not talking about having a fat ass--something that everyone pretends is attractive for some reason. He's talking about having a bunch of garbage in your car. We all do it, and apparently it's a huge waste of gas and deepening America dependence on foreign oil. Just how much gas are we wasting? Is it 100 pounds? Because that's the only number I retained from the presentation. Tune in next week for our 99th episode and ensuing debate over, "What is a murder?" That seems about right for this show. The post Episode 98 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 97 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-97/ Tue, 22 Mar 2016 08:01:13 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2189 There are only three more action packed episodes until everyone can finally have an opinion about the problem Sean brings in. Will it be hot stuff or horsepoop? Will it get deleted? Will it be about how no one helps Sean set up his audio equipment every week? There's only one way to find out!

Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry's website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase.

This episode, I bring in Decision Fatigue, the #1 cause of "can't even" syndrome. According to my research, having too many choices makes you fat, stupid, worse at making decisions, and makes everything in life lamer. Those are the same reasons that public services announcements give to not do drugs. If you're thinking of voting this election season, think of the effect all that choice will have on your overall happiness. Play it safe and stay home.

When you choose, you lose.

Maddox brings in Overpopulation Alarmists with the merciless take-down of 18th-century philosopher Thomas Malthus that you're going to have to hear to believe. Among other things, Malthus didn't predict the agricultural revolution and the fundamental change it would bring to sustainable levels of human civilization. What an idiot! Thomas Malthus would be pissing his pants in his grave right now if he wasn't too dumb to even do that right. Malthus got a lot of things wrong -- however, when pressed for the actual number of humans Earth could support between 7 billion and infinity, Maddox was stumped. I've seen The Price is Right. You can't give no answer on the Showcase Showdown.

I also bring in Bits, and the scientifically supported theory that people who compulsively joke and make puns suffer from brain damage. Comedy bits? More like bits of your brain are screwed. If you know someone who jokes compulsively even when you're trying to talk to a girl and even when they aren't funny, don't just stop hanging around that person and talk crap about them on your podcast, get them the medical help they need. From what I've learned in cartoons, the only way to fix brain damage is with another, more severe blow to the head.

Maddox brings in Prank Bros and shows a series of Internet "prank" videos that are either felonies or obvious fabrications, depending on how tall your soap box is. I think kids throwing milk around a store is hilarious, but as my previous problem showed, I have serious brain damage. Vote with your gut on this one, not your brain, and whatever you do don't think too much about it. It will make you fat.

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1:25:08 There are only three more action packed episodes until everyone can finally have an opinion about the problem Sean brings in. Will it be hot stuff or horsepoop? Will it get deleted? Will it be about how no one helps Sean set up his audio equipment e[...] There are only three more action packed episodes until everyone can finally have an opinion about the problem Sean brings in. Will it be hot stuff or horsepoop? Will it get deleted? Will it be about how no one helps Sean set up his audio equipment every week? There's only one way to find out! Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry's website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. This episode, I bring in Decision Fatigue, the #1 cause of "can't even" syndrome. According to my research, having too many choices makes you fat, stupid, worse at making decisions, and makes everything in life lamer. Those are the same reasons that public services announcements give to not do drugs. If you're thinking of voting this election season, think of the effect all that choice will have on your overall happiness. Play it safe and stay home. When you choose, you lose. Maddox brings in Overpopulation Alarmists with the merciless take-down of 18th-century philosopher Thomas Malthus that you're going to have to hear to believe. Among other things, Malthus didn't predict the agricultural revolution and the fundamental change it would bring to sustainable levels of human civilization. What an idiot! Thomas Malthus would be pissing his pants in his grave right now if he wasn't too dumb to even do that right. Malthus got a lot of things wrong -- however, when pressed for the actual number of humans Earth could support between 7 billion and infinity, Maddox was stumped. I've seen The Price is Right. You can't give no answer on the Showcase Showdown. I also bring in Bits, and the scientifically supported theory that people who compulsively joke and make puns suffer from brain damage. Comedy bits? More like bits of your brain are screwed. If you know someone who jokes compulsively even when you're trying to talk to a girl and even when they aren't funny, don't just stop hanging around that person and talk crap about them on your podcast, get them the medical help they need. From what I've learned in cartoons, the only way to fix brain damage is with another, more severe blow to the head. Maddox brings in Prank Bros and shows a series of Internet "prank" videos that are either felonies or obvious fabrications, depending on how tall your soap box is. I think kids throwing milk around a store is hilarious, but as my previous problem showed, I have serious brain damage. Vote with your gut on this one, not your brain, and whatever you do don't think too much about it. It will make you fat. The post Episode 97 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 96 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-96/ Tue, 15 Mar 2016 15:46:34 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2173 It's time for another uninvited guest! This time it's famed "person who claims to be a DJ online" and star of his own Twitter account, DJ Tim Changzzzzz. Pew pew pew! If you love him, subscribe to his YouTube channel. If you hate him, subscribe twice so you can leave a mean comment on everything he produces; but know that if you do that, you'll be one of today's biggest problems.

Maddox brings in ADHDD, Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. The extra D stands for DBPP or Diagnoses By Parent. The extra P is a typo. Millions of kids have ADHD. Does that mean their brains are fundamentally broken and ill-equipped to function in society without drugs? Big Pharma would like you to think so. Big Psychiatry wants you to think that these kids just need someone to talk to. My parents solved problems by making me run laps.

DJ Tim Changzzzzz brings in Haters and if you can figure out why he thinks this is a problem, you should probably get yourself on some Ritalin because you have some serious ADHD. Predictably, Tim is light on stats, but heavy on showmanship, a socially acceptable version of nonsense.

I bring in Poor Gym Etiquette, which might as well have been in another language. Maddox insists that gym goers do not suffer from jerks talking too loud; doofuses spitting in the drinking fountain; ball goblins using the bench press for 2lbs triceps kickbacks; horny penis weasels cuddling and smooching and acting like they're at a drive-in; semen wizards stealing your 15-pound weights when you're in the middle of a workout; and human jackass employees acting like missing equipment is a mysterious act of God that they'll pray comes to an end instead of something they should be trying to fix instead of texting their wannabe DJ friends. Maybe this isn't a problem at places like Curves, but I wouldn't know because they have a restraining order against me.

Finally, our fan Dr. Smooth Rod sends in some fake money for Maddox's fake wallet. For more information on this #lifehack, check out this month's bonus episode for $1.33. We accept Maddox bucks, but they have to be delivered to us in the decapitated head of your greatest enemy

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1:07:16 It's time for another uninvited guest! This time it's famed "person who claims to be a DJ online" and star of his own Twitter account, DJ Tim Changzzzzz. Pew pew pew! If you love him, subscribe to his YouTube channel. If you hate him, subscribe twic[...] It's time for another uninvited guest! This time it's famed "person who claims to be a DJ online" and star of his own Twitter account, DJ Tim Changzzzzz. Pew pew pew! If you love him, subscribe to his YouTube channel. If you hate him, subscribe twice so you can leave a mean comment on everything he produces; but know that if you do that, you'll be one of today's biggest problems. Maddox brings in ADHDD, Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. The extra D stands for DBPP or Diagnoses By Parent. The extra P is a typo. Millions of kids have ADHD. Does that mean their brains are fundamentally broken and ill-equipped to function in society without drugs? Big Pharma would like you to think so. Big Psychiatry wants you to think that these kids just need someone to talk to. My parents solved problems by making me run laps. DJ Tim Changzzzzz brings in Haters and if you can figure out why he thinks this is a problem, you should probably get yourself on some Ritalin because you have some serious ADHD. Predictably, Tim is light on stats, but heavy on showmanship, a socially acceptable version of nonsense. I bring in Poor Gym Etiquette, which might as well have been in another language. Maddox insists that gym goers do not suffer from jerks talking too loud; doofuses spitting in the drinking fountain; ball goblins using the bench press for 2lbs triceps kickbacks; horny penis weasels cuddling and smooching and acting like they're at a drive-in; semen wizards stealing your 15-pound weights when you're in the middle of a workout; and human jackass employees acting like missing equipment is a mysterious act of God that they'll pray comes to an end instead of something they should be trying to fix instead of texting their wannabe DJ friends. Maybe this isn't a problem at places like Curves, but I wouldn't know because they have a restraining order against me. Finally, our fan Dr. Smooth Rod sends in some fake money for Maddox's fake wallet. For more information on this #lifehack, check out this month's bonus episode for $1.33. We accept Maddox bucks, but they have to be delivered to us in the decapitated head of your greatest enemy The post Episode 96 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 95 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-95/ Tue, 08 Mar 2016 11:42:47 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2159 Stock up on your bags of sand and prepare for an informational flood of biblical proportions. Who shot JR? What's Kramer's real name? Fuller House sucks, right? These burning questions of our pop cultural era mean dog turd compared to the bombshell that is dropped at the end of this episode of the Biggest Problem in the Universe. And I mean the very end. You have to listen to the entire episode. But first...

In this episode, we receive gifts in the form of brownies and cookies and, as per my request, fan Daniel Heggie immortalizes one of my epic rants in an experimental form of jazz hands that he calls "Australian Sign Language". Take a look at it below, and make sure you tell Daniel how boss his hair looks even if you don't really think so.

I start the episode with Bumper Stickers. Imagine everything you would never ever say in polite conversation: how many kids you have; who you support for president; preachy, virtue-signaling platitudes; the N-word. Well, with a bumper sticker, you can say all of that and more for low, low price of your dignity. Bumper stickers are the presumptuous Alamo of our modern age. Did you forget what a tremendous prick I am? Don't worry, I taped it on my crap-mobile. Remember my bumper sticker.

Maddox brings in Bottled Water. Sure, estrogen-leaching, masculinity-eradicating BPA chemicals are bad and everyone agrees that the idea of water being more expensive than gasoline is farcical and inhumane, but what's the alternative? Drinking out of the toilet? Gross. According to Maddox, Pepsi has declared war on free tap water. Maybe they should declare war on medicine-y aftertaste because Pepsi sucks.

I bring in Sleep Deprivation. Not only can it make you fat, stupid, depressed, ugly, and dead, but it can also make you fall asleep while you're trying to eat a girl out. I can't speak from personal experience because I don't do that sort of thing, but I heard about it from a guy.

Maddox ends the episode with Twitter. What is there to say about an industrialized social media juggernaut that connects millions of people across the world and sublimates consumer media into an interactive experience unifying technology and communication in a single hive consciousness? How about, there aren't enough characters. If you agree, #voteitup #YOLO #blessed #Trump2016

And don't forget to check out this month's bonus episode for $1.33!

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1:30:09 Stock up on your bags of sand and prepare for an informational flood of biblical proportions. Who shot JR? What's Kramer's real name? Fuller House sucks, right? These burning questions of our pop cultural era mean dog turd compared to the bombshell [...] Stock up on your bags of sand and prepare for an informational flood of biblical proportions. Who shot JR? What's Kramer's real name? Fuller House sucks, right? These burning questions of our pop cultural era mean dog turd compared to the bombshell that is dropped at the end of this episode of the Biggest Problem in the Universe. And I mean the very end. You have to listen to the entire episode. But first... In this episode, we receive gifts in the form of brownies and cookies and, as per my request, fan Daniel Heggie immortalizes one of my epic rants in an experimental form of jazz hands that he calls "Australian Sign Language". Take a look at it below, and make sure you tell Daniel how boss his hair looks even if you don't really think so. I start the episode with Bumper Stickers. Imagine everything you would never ever say in polite conversation: how many kids you have; who you support for president; preachy, virtue-signaling platitudes; the N-word. Well, with a bumper sticker, you can say all of that and more for low, low price of your dignity. Bumper stickers are the presumptuous Alamo of our modern age. Did you forget what a tremendous prick I am? Don't worry, I taped it on my crap-mobile. Remember my bumper sticker. Maddox brings in Bottled Water. Sure, estrogen-leaching, masculinity-eradicating BPA chemicals are bad and everyone agrees that the idea of water being more expensive than gasoline is farcical and inhumane, but what's the alternative? Drinking out of the toilet? Gross. According to Maddox, Pepsi has declared war on free tap water. Maybe they should declare war on medicine-y aftertaste because Pepsi sucks. I bring in Sleep Deprivation. Not only can it make you fat, stupid, depressed, ugly, and dead, but it can also make you fall asleep while you're trying to eat a girl out. I can't speak from personal experience because I don't do that sort of thing, but I heard about it from a guy. Maddox ends the episode with Twitter. What is there to say about an industrialized social media juggernaut that connects millions of people across the world and sublimates consumer media into an interactive experience unifying technology and communication in a single hive consciousness? How about, there aren't enough characters. If you agree, #voteitup #YOLO #blessed #Trump2016 And don't forget to check out this month's bonus episode for $1.33! The post Episode 95 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 94 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-94/ Tue, 01 Mar 2016 17:36:21 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2126 Like AC/DC we are back in black this week to round up the most controversial problem ever brought in on this show. Of course, I'm not talking about Being Black. I'm talking about friggin' Wallets. Dozens of passionate challengers called in to debunk Maddox's non-singular wallet lifestyle. Does he fold under the pressure? Or is the world about to be hit with a new fashion trend: Two wallets for show. Zero wallets for a pro.

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1:27:30 Like AC/DC we are back in black this week to round up the most controversial problem ever brought in on this show. Of course, I'm not talking about Being Black. I'm talking about friggin' Wallets. Dozens of passionate challengers called in to debunk[...] Like AC/DC we are back in black this week to round up the most controversial problem ever brought in on this show. Of course, I'm not talking about Being Black. I'm talking about friggin' Wallets. Dozens of passionate challengers called in to debunk Maddox's non-singular wallet lifestyle. Does he fold under the pressure? Or is the world about to be hit with a new fashion trend: Two wallets for show. Zero wallets for a pro. The post Episode 94 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 93 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-93/ Tue, 23 Feb 2016 18:35:41 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2095 Episode 93 Transcript courtesy of the amazing Megan Pennock Lock your car doors, cross to the other side of the street, and give your back pocket a tap to make sure your wallet’s still there; we’ve got a very special guest on this week and we’re going to walk a mile in his shoes. Heads … Continue reading Episode 93

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1:25:14 Episode 93 Transcript courtesy of the amazing Megan Pennock Being Black 501 Google Delegators 501 Wallets -574 See All the Problems... Lock your car doors, cross to the other side of the street, and give your back pocket a tap to m[...] Episode 93 Transcript courtesy of the amazing Megan Pennock Being Black 501 Google Delegators 501 Wallets -574 See All the Problems... Lock your car doors, cross to the other side of the street, and give your back pocket a tap to make sure your wallet’s still there; we’ve got a very special guest on this week and we’re going to walk a mile in his shoes. Heads up, we’re going to get followed around a lot by expert criminal profilers who make minimum wage. Unlike the Oscars, Maddox and I think that this podcast should represent more than just Sean and his white problems–problems like not getting enough emails encouraging him to bring in a problem for the 100th episode by visiting the Who page and emailing him directly. That’s why fan of the show, Denzel, brings in the problem of Being Black. Myths were debunked, perspectives were broadened, and only half of the people on the show survived the entire hour without using a racial epithet. Happy Black History Month. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. Here’s the Donald Sterling clip we discussed, where ESPN host Bomani Jones brushes aside the casual racism of Donald Sterling for the real issue. The entire interview is good, but he gets to the heart of the issue around 5:27 if you’re short on time: Maddox brings in Wallets as a problem, because they’re full of useless bullshit and are basically purses for men. I agree with him in theory, but like Q-Tips and texting while driving, I’ll probably never give up my wallet. I’m so addicted to wallets I have a wallet in my wallet just in case I need to sort through some receipts, foreign checks, and out-dated auto insurance cards while I’m sorting through my receipts, foreign checks, and out-dated auto insurance cards. To replace wallets, Maddox proposes a radical system wherein we simply use nothing at all and cram bills and credit cards into our pockets like reverse magicians. I can’t prove it, but my hunch is that something was wrong with this system necessitating the invention of wallets. I guess we’ll let Maddox, the guinea pig in chief, find out what that problem was. -Maddox power paragraph: So I searched Google images for “slope-head” and “slope-headed” and other than that one Urban Dictionary reference, I saw no references to Chinese people in the top search results (even with safe-search filter off), but several to cave men / neanderthals. Is this confirmation bias? No. Though I did find several references to it in the racial slur database, so it does check out. You be the judge, so long as you agree with me: Search for “slope-head:” Search for “slope-headed:” /Maddox I bring in Google Delegators, people who treat everyone else as servants for their own personal Googling. Just because I have my computer out, doesn’t mean I’m asking to Google something for you. I finally get what all those feminists are talking about. I didn’t do a very good job with my problem because I spent all week trying to figure out how to help black America. Did I figure it out? I think I got closer than anyone else. Let me know in the comments below. Check out Denzel on Twitter: @thatDenzel, Instagram: @ninetytwobricks, and Snapchat (UglyTanSofa). And don’t forget to check out this month’s bonus episode for $1.33 And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: NPR – Interracial dating. OK Cupid – Race attraction. NYCLU – Stop and frisk. NY Times – Driving while black. DumbLittleMan.com – Sticking to the 1-2-2 rule for wallets. NPR – Lead Poisoning Washington Post – Black Poverty Concentration Kids Count – Single Parent Families by Race LMGTFY – Let Me Google That For You[...] Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 92 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-92/ Tue, 16 Feb 2016 10:10:32 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2076 Episode 92 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Several debates rage on in this episode: What is a stop? Are Q-tips still dangerous even if you don’t shove them in your ear hole like you’re loading a musket? Will Sean bring in a problem for the 100th episode or will he delete the hopes and dreams … Continue reading Episode 92

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1:16:30 Episode 92 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Confirmation Bias 1314 Internet Addiction 1109 Burning Your Mouth On Hot Food 711 Receipts 373 See All the Problems... Several debates rage on in this episode: What is a stop? Are[...] Episode 92 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Confirmation Bias 1314 Internet Addiction 1109 Burning Your Mouth On Hot Food 711 Receipts 373 See All the Problems... Several debates rage on in this episode: What is a stop? Are Q-tips still dangerous even if you don’t shove them in your ear hole like you’re loading a musket? Will Sean bring in a problem for the 100th episode or will he delete the hopes and dreams of thousands of fans? Or will enough people email him and bully him into doing it by visiting the Who page where his email is? Only time will tell! Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. Maddox brings in the very serious problem of Internet Addiction, a problem that has killed at least 6 Chinese people (according to the research presented), and has put several more in internet addiction rehab camp. I do agree that internet addiction is a big problem, I just think it’s an unlikely problem coming from someone who would suck a dick to be permanently plugged into the Oculus Rift. But I guess that proves the strength of the addiction. If you’ve ever tried to click a word on a newspaper, vote it up. On a serious note, if you or someone you know is suffering from internet addiction, please send them a link to our website and Facebook page and Maddox’s Twitch stream and Twitter. And special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. I bring in Receipts as a problem because they are annoying and pointless and make a mess in my car. Also, they contain chemicals that will shrink your dick. As a society, why do we willingly participate in this “proof of purchase” charade? Do we like carrying around a little certificate in our pocket that says we earned something? Maybe. People, it’s time to break free from the shackles of this receipt conformity. Come to my self-improvement seminar, where Instead of making you walk over hot coals to imbue you with a fleeting and false sense of personal empowerment, I make you walk past the receipt checking guy at Best Buy. Here’s the Mitch Hedberg joke about receipts that Maddox mentioned: Maddox brings in Confirmation Bias. I think it’s a huge problem, but that’s probably just my bias talking. I’m going to vote it down to demonstrate my critical thinking. I would have put money on confirmation bias being Maddox’s problem for the 100th episode, but I would have been wrong. What problems do you think we’ll bring in the for the 100th episode? Guess below. The winner will get a prize. I bring in a problem that is just as difficult to spot as confirmation bias until it’s too late: Burning Your Mouth on Hot Food. If you feel the burn, lend me your vote–the burn of burning your mouth on hot food that is. Finally, listener Brent Moran sends in Virtual Maddox, a freakishly accurate recreation made by “running Markov processes on transcripts of the show to simulate Maddox’s speech patterns”. I think it’s pretty accurate, but you all will have to be the judge. Either way, Brent has some explaining to do. And don’t forget to check out this month’s bonus episode for $1.33 And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: NPR – Ben Alexander story from NPR. Discover Magazine – Bulgarian city council member demoted for playing FarmVille. IGN – Man playing Everquest kills his child. The Guardian – Korean couple lets their child starve to death while they played at an internet cafe. ScienceDaily – Do you know what is a ‘confirmation bias?’ YouAreNotSoSmart – Your opinions are formed selectively. ScienceDaily – Study finds th[...] Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 91 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-91/ Tue, 09 Feb 2016 10:18:12 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2055 Is there a doctor in the house? We're all going to need one after this episode because my Spidey/specious medical advice senses are tingling. But what set them off?

I bring in the problem of Food Waste. Did you know one out of four calories produced in the world go straight into the trash? If only the same could be said of Tumblr posts, "think pieces", and celebrities. The world would be a much better place. It's even worse in the United States, where 30-40% of the food supply is wasted. If only the same could be said of my state of inebriation. The world would be a much better place.

Recently, France passed a law preventing supermarkets from disposing of perfectly good food that looks a little screwy, and then doing stuff like dumping bleach on it to make it inedible for the homeless and destitute. I'm all for a good prank, but even as a libertarian, I can say that that is a questionable use of bleach.

Robin Higgins is back with the steamy problem of No One Teaches You How To Have Sex Good. She's right, but I don't know if we solved her problem this episode. Robin presents some great advice like don't do any bits during sex and why do I hate women? She also brings in an idea for a "boring porn" that would serve as an instructional video and teach us all how to have sex more good. Also, I offer to electronically screen potential gentleman suitors for Robin this Valentine's Day. Hit me with your best lines. Be creative. I've heard and said them all.

Maddox ends the episode with Q-Tips. According to half of the people on this podcast, Q-Tips are cotton swabs you use to clean your ears. According to the other half, they're titillating sticks of sensual pleasure that ride your earhole g-spots into a world of addicting ecstasy. I'm not exaggerating. Maddox says that Q-Tips are dangerous to use and that having wax in your ears is good for you and part of the body's natural defenses against things like germs and dust and assholes who disagree with you. I have no idea if this is true. If you're a doctor, please reach out via email. This might be the most important consultation you've ever weighed in on. If Maddox is right, I have several hundred Q-Tips I need to throw away and then pour bleach on. I don't want any homeless people getting addicted to pleasuring their earholes with fuzzy sticks.

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1:15:02 Is there a doctor in the house? We're all going to need one after this episode because my Spidey/specious medical advice senses are tingling. But what set them off? I bring in the problem of Food Waste. Did you know one out of four calories produced[...] Is there a doctor in the house? We're all going to need one after this episode because my Spidey/specious medical advice senses are tingling. But what set them off? I bring in the problem of Food Waste. Did you know one out of four calories produced in the world go straight into the trash? If only the same could be said of Tumblr posts, "think pieces", and celebrities. The world would be a much better place. It's even worse in the United States, where 30-40% of the food supply is wasted. If only the same could be said of my state of inebriation. The world would be a much better place. Recently, France passed a law preventing supermarkets from disposing of perfectly good food that looks a little screwy, and then doing stuff like dumping bleach on it to make it inedible for the homeless and destitute. I'm all for a good prank, but even as a libertarian, I can say that that is a questionable use of bleach. Robin Higgins is back with the steamy problem of No One Teaches You How To Have Sex Good. She's right, but I don't know if we solved her problem this episode. Robin presents some great advice like don't do any bits during sex and why do I hate women? She also brings in an idea for a "boring porn" that would serve as an instructional video and teach us all how to have sex more good. Also, I offer to electronically screen potential gentleman suitors for Robin this Valentine's Day. Hit me with your best lines. Be creative. I've heard and said them all. Maddox ends the episode with Q-Tips. According to half of the people on this podcast, Q-Tips are cotton swabs you use to clean your ears. According to the other half, they're titillating sticks of sensual pleasure that ride your earhole g-spots into a world of addicting ecstasy. I'm not exaggerating. Maddox says that Q-Tips are dangerous to use and that having wax in your ears is good for you and part of the body's natural defenses against things like germs and dust and assholes who disagree with you. I have no idea if this is true. If you're a doctor, please reach out via email. This might be the most important consultation you've ever weighed in on. If Maddox is right, I have several hundred Q-Tips I need to throw away and then pour bleach on. I don't want any homeless people getting addicted to pleasuring their earholes with fuzzy sticks. The post Episode 91 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 90 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-90/ Tue, 02 Feb 2016 21:02:15 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2033 If you haven't purchased the most recent bonus episode for $1.33, none of this episode will make sense.

Asterios Kokkinos is back! And this time he has a problem that will appeal to anyone who's ever thought of something and then expected to make a million dollars from it. Of course I'm talking about Unappreciated Creators. Imagine a world where the guys who created Superman and Wolverine and Ghost Rider are all homeless and giving hand jobs for sandwich meat in Battery Park. If that got you excited, congratulations because that's the world you're living in. Personally, I think a five year old could have created the concept of Superman: a guy in a cape who can't be killed. Big deal. The success of the brand is due to xenophobia, nostalgia, and years of marketing, but what do I know. Vote up people who tell you about their dreams.

Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code "biggest" to get $50 off, or don't to pay $50 more.

If you don't think domestic violence is a problem, you're probably not one of the one-third of the population of Earth who is beating the hell out of the other one third. Your gender doesn't matter in that hypothetical because it's happening both ways. It's the problem that keeps on giving.

Domestic violence is the reason we have neck ties. It's comforting to imagine we're civilized, but the stats say otherwise. I've attached several statistics on domestic violence to this post. Before debating them or objecting to them, please remember that it doesn't matter how accurate they are. No one will stop it either way.

Maddox rounds out the episode with a much more personal problem, something that has plagued both man and comedian and the British since the beginning of time: crickets. Crickets are loud, and annoying, and full of protein. But that can be said for all the hosts of this show too. Vote up crickets and watch Maddox and Asterios hunt them down on Periscope!

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1:29:01 If you haven't purchased the most recent bonus episode for $1.33, none of this episode will make sense. Asterios Kokkinos is back! And this time he has a problem that will appeal to anyone who's ever thought of something and then expected to make a [...] If you haven't purchased the most recent bonus episode for $1.33, none of this episode will make sense. Asterios Kokkinos is back! And this time he has a problem that will appeal to anyone who's ever thought of something and then expected to make a million dollars from it. Of course I'm talking about Unappreciated Creators. Imagine a world where the guys who created Superman and Wolverine and Ghost Rider are all homeless and giving hand jobs for sandwich meat in Battery Park. If that got you excited, congratulations because that's the world you're living in. Personally, I think a five year old could have created the concept of Superman: a guy in a cape who can't be killed. Big deal. The success of the brand is due to xenophobia, nostalgia, and years of marketing, but what do I know. Vote up people who tell you about their dreams. Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code "biggest" to get $50 off, or don't to pay $50 more. If you don't think domestic violence is a problem, you're probably not one of the one-third of the population of Earth who is beating the hell out of the other one third. Your gender doesn't matter in that hypothetical because it's happening both ways. It's the problem that keeps on giving. Domestic violence is the reason we have neck ties. It's comforting to imagine we're civilized, but the stats say otherwise. I've attached several statistics on domestic violence to this post. Before debating them or objecting to them, please remember that it doesn't matter how accurate they are. No one will stop it either way. Maddox rounds out the episode with a much more personal problem, something that has plagued both man and comedian and the British since the beginning of time: crickets. Crickets are loud, and annoying, and full of protein. But that can be said for all the hosts of this show too. Vote up crickets and watch Maddox and Asterios hunt them down on Periscope! The post Episode 90 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 89 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-89/ Tue, 26 Jan 2016 19:32:25 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=2001 Episode 89 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster If you’re a fan of fuckface idiots, this week’s show is chock full of them due to the huge problem of “affluenza.” It’s the phenomenon of rich people blaming their affluence on their inability to tell right from wrong. It turns out that being too wealthy can cushion … Continue reading Episode 89

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1:31:48 Episode 89 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Affluenza 1806 People Who Talk About Their Dreams -145 See All the Problems... Also, we come to learn that Ethan was unsurprisingly homeschooled because his parents disagreed with a teach[...] Episode 89 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Affluenza 1806 People Who Talk About Their Dreams -145 See All the Problems... Also, we come to learn that Ethan was unsurprisingly homeschooled because his parents disagreed with a teacher who said he wasn’t allowed to drive at 13. Here are all the sordid details on ABC’s 20/20: As for Dick, he was predictably contrarian, even when it comes to defending a murderer. Dick mischaracterized the judge’s ruling as a rejection of the affluenza argument, but this exact same judge ruled for jail time on a very similar case where another teen, Eric Bradlee Miller, killed one person while drunk driving: Source: NY Daily News Dick’s moral compass was all over the place this episode, with his defense of stealing, dishonesty and … this teen? The judge? The ruling? I’m not sure. The disagreement was flying so fast that I think I could have said Dick was awesome and he’d find a way to disagree with me. That said, Dick’s problem of “people talking about their dreams” rounded out this episode nicely and ended things on a lighter note. Though how much of a problem is a minor annoyance you can walk away from, that at worst, is a slight inconvenience? To be fair, my problem went long this episode and Dick and I had other stuff to bring in. We’ll cover that in another episode. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Brilliant Thumbnail by: Clay Rodery, Illustrator – http://www.clayrodery.com Sources: Wired – The psychology of lotteries ABC – 20/20 episode: A Case of Affluenza HBO – Affluenza and the culture of dependency (Real Time with Bill Maher) Daily Beast – Ethan Couch’s joyride to Mexico NY Daily News – Texas teen gets 20 years for fatal drunk driving crash by same judge who sentenced Ethan Couch Star-Telegram – Judge who gave Ethan Couch probation gave another teen 20 years behind bars for fatal DWI crash Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis – Happiness and real income per capita in the US PBS – Affluenza The Motley Fool – Measuring the happiness index The post Episode 89 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 89 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 88 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-88/ Tue, 19 Jan 2016 09:16:23 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1971 Asterios is back! And trying to impress a special lady friend while he's at it with his Wayne Brady-slaying comedy, his seductive Star Wars themed puns, and his erotic extreme-shouting about nothing. But he screws up by bringing in Last Call as a problem. If I was trying to impress a woman, I would have brought in a problem like Not Enough Celebrity Dancing Shows or Having Too Big A Penis, but to each their own.

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1:34:27 Asterios is back! And trying to impress a special lady friend while he's at it with his Wayne Brady-slaying comedy, his seductive Star Wars themed puns, and his erotic extreme-shouting about nothing. But he screws up by bringing in Last Call as a pr[...] Asterios is back! And trying to impress a special lady friend while he's at it with his Wayne Brady-slaying comedy, his seductive Star Wars themed puns, and his erotic extreme-shouting about nothing. But he screws up by bringing in Last Call as a problem. If I was trying to impress a woman, I would have brought in a problem like Not Enough Celebrity Dancing Shows or Having Too Big A Penis, but to each their own. The post Episode 88 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 87 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-87/ Tue, 12 Jan 2016 19:23:38 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1948 Sean is absent in this episode, stranded with his sticky icky in the Lands of Ass. He had a return ticket, but they deleted it. To make sure fans get the highest fidelity audio, I asked my Lyft driver, self-described "DJ of his generation", DJ Tim Changz to fill in. It was a huge mistake.

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1:24:02 Sean is absent in this episode, stranded with his sticky icky in the Lands of Ass. He had a return ticket, but they deleted it. To make sure fans get the highest fidelity audio, I asked my Lyft driver, self-described "DJ of his generation", DJ Tim C[...] Sean is absent in this episode, stranded with his sticky icky in the Lands of Ass. He had a return ticket, but they deleted it. To make sure fans get the highest fidelity audio, I asked my Lyft driver, self-described "DJ of his generation", DJ Tim Changz to fill in. It was a huge mistake. The post Episode 87 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 86 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-86/ Tue, 05 Jan 2016 19:11:07 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1917 Fans come bearing gifts in this episode; like the Three Wise Men of old, except instead of gold, frankincense, and mir, they come bearing cookies, DVDs, and a penis pump. If you're wondering why we're opening presents late, thank Maddox's old mail lady who should be replaced by a drone.

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1:28:22 Fans come bearing gifts in this episode; like the Three Wise Men of old, except instead of gold, frankincense, and mir, they come bearing cookies, DVDs, and a penis pump. If you're wondering why we're opening presents late, thank Maddox's old mail l[...] Fans come bearing gifts in this episode; like the Three Wise Men of old, except instead of gold, frankincense, and mir, they come bearing cookies, DVDs, and a penis pump. If you're wondering why we're opening presents late, thank Maddox's old mail lady who should be replaced by a drone. The post Episode 86 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 85 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-85/ Tue, 29 Dec 2015 20:02:20 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1880 Welcome to episode 85. The one where I hate Star Wars. Mickey Mouse owes me 50 bucks or a night with Goofy.

Did you spend too much on Christmas presents? I didn't, but boy did my life-coach, who schlonged himself for three grand when he planned to spend about a tenth of that. Learn your geography, kids. That's the lesson. It could save you a mortgage payment someday.

Maybe my life-coach went to homeschool?

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1:33:41 Welcome to episode 85. The one where I hate Star Wars. Mickey Mouse owes me 50 bucks or a night with Goofy. Did you spend too much on Christmas presents? I didn't, but boy did my life-coach, who schlonged himself for three grand when he planned to s[...] Welcome to episode 85. The one where I hate Star Wars. Mickey Mouse owes me 50 bucks or a night with Goofy. Did you spend too much on Christmas presents? I didn't, but boy did my life-coach, who schlonged himself for three grand when he planned to spend about a tenth of that. Learn your geography, kids. That's the lesson. It could save you a mortgage payment someday. Maybe my life-coach went to homeschool? The post Episode 85 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 84 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-84/ Tue, 22 Dec 2015 16:27:03 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1848 "People who were homeschooled are weird and lack social skills." Says Asterios Kokkinos, the guy who dressed up as Grumble Bee, a bumble bee-based character of his own design, to go on a daytime television game show where he was chewed out by America's most accessible comedian during a commercial break for making a game show too awkward. If that's not the pot calling the kettle Rain Man, I don't know what is.

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1:23:03 "People who were homeschooled are weird and lack social skills." Says Asterios Kokkinos, the guy who dressed up as Grumble Bee, a bumble bee-based character of his own design, to go on a daytime television game show where he was chewed out by Americ[...] "People who were homeschooled are weird and lack social skills." Says Asterios Kokkinos, the guy who dressed up as Grumble Bee, a bumble bee-based character of his own design, to go on a daytime television game show where he was chewed out by America's most accessible comedian during a commercial break for making a game show too awkward. If that's not the pot calling the kettle Rain Man, I don't know what is. The post Episode 84 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 83 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-83/ Tue, 15 Dec 2015 17:13:33 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1814 A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away....
EPISODE 83: A New Pair of Underpants
This week, we join Emperor Maddox aboard his fully operational Rant Star as he wields the might of the Pedantic Empire in a battle to destroy the rebel forces of Too Much Star Wars Merchandise. If you hate pointless brand licensing like BB-8 oranges, Han Solo Pop-Tarts, and Jabba the Hutt toilet paper, get out your up-voting blaster and shoot first, or be prepared to live in a Star Wars-less future caused by brand fatigue.

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1:17:58 Too Much Star Wars Merchandise, Geriatric Action Heroes, Star Wars Prequel Apologists A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.... EPISODE 83: A New Pair of Underpants This week, we join Emperor Maddox aboard his fully operational Rant Star as he wields the might of the Pedantic Empire in a battle to destroy the rebel forces of Too Much Star Wars Merchandise. If you hate pointless brand licensing like BB-8 oranges, Han Solo Pop-Tarts, and Jabba the Hutt toilet paper, get out your up-voting blaster and shoot first, or be prepared to live in a Star Wars-less future caused by brand fatigue. The post Episode 83 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 82 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-82/ Tue, 08 Dec 2015 19:45:04 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1752 Who invented Daylight Saving Time? If you guessed Hitler, you would be factually incorrect, but you wouldn’t be wrong.

Daylight Saving Time is the biggest sham perpetrated on the civilized world since those elongating dick pills swarmed late night TV ads in the 90s. We were all curious about them. There’s no shame in that.

Imagine a world where you can drive home from work in the pitch black, feel hungover and jet lagged even though you didn’t do anything fun, and crash your car way more and also have more heart attacks. If that sounds good to you, welcome to planet Earth, where we collectively screw up our clocks and our sleep schedules twice a year because someone told us to. Who needs the Milgram experiment? We have Daylight Savings Time.

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1:30:33 Who invented Daylight Saving Time? If you guessed Hitler, you would be factually incorrect, but you wouldn’t be wrong. Daylight Saving Time is the biggest sham perpetrated on the civilized world since those elongating dick pills swarmed late night T[...] Who invented Daylight Saving Time? If you guessed Hitler, you would be factually incorrect, but you wouldn’t be wrong. Daylight Saving Time is the biggest sham perpetrated on the civilized world since those elongating dick pills swarmed late night TV ads in the 90s. We were all curious about them. There’s no shame in that. Imagine a world where you can drive home from work in the pitch black, feel hungover and jet lagged even though you didn’t do anything fun, and crash your car way more and also have more heart attacks. If that sounds good to you, welcome to planet Earth, where we collectively screw up our clocks and our sleep schedules twice a year because someone told us to. Who needs the Milgram experiment? We have Daylight Savings Time. The post Episode 82 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 81 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-81/ Tue, 01 Dec 2015 18:54:18 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1712 It's your old pal Dick again, back in the saddle with a post full of yucks and a pen full of is.

Several people felt the stupefying sting of a stumping last week: Penn Jillette, Marc Maron, show producer Randy; but guess who wasn't among them? That's right, the man with the sculpted mane, the jork from New York, the big papa with his name on his choppa. He makes his ties in China and his deals in gold. He's loud, he draws a crowd, and he's vowed to build a big beautiful wall so the illegals can't see it at all. The chairman and president of the Big Swingin Dick Organization. He's hard on China, he's hard on Japan, he's hard on his hot ass wife and you better be too. He'll clown you on stage and he'll bully you on the page--of Twitter. He's the prick with the rhetoric who loves bankruptcies, Muslim registries, and making fun of disabilities. You cannot interrupt him, you cannot stump him, the GOP cannot dump him, the flaxen haired god with the ten billion dollar rod who will make America great again: Donald J Trump. The J stands for "Can't Be Stumped".

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1:17:45 It's your old pal Dick again, back in the saddle with a post full of yucks and a pen full of is. Several people felt the stupefying sting of a stumping last week: Penn Jillette, Marc Maron, show producer Randy; but guess who wasn't among them? That'[...] It's your old pal Dick again, back in the saddle with a post full of yucks and a pen full of is. Several people felt the stupefying sting of a stumping last week: Penn Jillette, Marc Maron, show producer Randy; but guess who wasn't among them? That's right, the man with the sculpted mane, the jork from New York, the big papa with his name on his choppa. He makes his ties in China and his deals in gold. He's loud, he draws a crowd, and he's vowed to build a big beautiful wall so the illegals can't see it at all. The chairman and president of the Big Swingin Dick Organization. He's hard on China, he's hard on Japan, he's hard on his hot ass wife and you better be too. He'll clown you on stage and he'll bully you on the page--of Twitter. He's the prick with the rhetoric who loves bankruptcies, Muslim registries, and making fun of disabilities. You cannot interrupt him, you cannot stump him, the GOP cannot dump him, the flaxen haired god with the ten billion dollar rod who will make America great again: Donald J Trump. The J stands for "Can't Be Stumped". The post Episode 81 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 80 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-80/ Tue, 24 Nov 2015 20:11:04 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1687 I got a flood of email this week asking me to bring in Donald Trump. It was a long-time coming, but the point his relatively innocuous candidacy becomes dangerous is when he foments racial unrest and Islamophobia, which he did this week by suggesting Muslims should carry ID cards and be registered in a national database. Awesome.

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1:18:32 I got a flood of email this week asking me to bring in Donald Trump. It was a long-time coming, but the point his relatively innocuous candidacy becomes dangerous is when he foments racial unrest and Islamophobia, which he did this week by suggestin[...] I got a flood of email this week asking me to bring in Donald Trump. It was a long-time coming, but the point his relatively innocuous candidacy becomes dangerous is when he foments racial unrest and Islamophobia, which he did this week by suggesting Muslims should carry ID cards and be registered in a national database. Awesome. The post Episode 80 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 79 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-79/ Tue, 17 Nov 2015 19:34:36 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1665 Episode 79 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster This week, our thoughts are with the fallen in France. Dick has a knee-jerk reaction to “knee-jerks,” and I cut right through all the bullshit and get to the heart of the problem with zealots. Speaking of Bullshit, I’m finally releasing my Penn & Teller video with my … Continue reading Episode 79

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1:18:54 Episode 79 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster "Not all blank" Knee-Jerks 1926 Zealots 1585 See All the Problems... This week, our thoughts are with the fallen in France. Dick has a knee-jerk reaction to “knee-jerks,” and [...] Episode 79 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster "Not all blank" Knee-Jerks 1926 Zealots 1585 See All the Problems... This week, our thoughts are with the fallen in France. Dick has a knee-jerk reaction to “knee-jerks,” and I cut right through all the bullshit and get to the heart of the problem with zealots. Speaking of Bullshit, I’m finally releasing my Penn & Teller video with my official response to my appearance on their show. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry’s and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year. I made the argument several times before about poverty being a key factor in countries that harbor the most terrorism, and here’s the evidence again since it was abjectly ignored the last time I brought it in: (Sources below) And here are the lowest 30% of countries by GDP per capita where 6 of the top 10 countries from the list above also have the highest incidents of terrorism (the IMF didn’t report data for Syria in 2014, but Syria was ranked 136 on the list according to the CIA World Factbook). Asterisks indicate countries with high levels of sectarian violence (Buddhist separatists in Myanmar, farm attacks in Zimbabwe, rebel attacks in Ethiopia, rebel attacks in Congo and CAR, etc) that weren’t in the top 10. Clearly poverty isn’t the only cause of terrorism and civil unrest, but it’s a good indicator. Iraq wasn’t on the list of lowest GDP per capita because of oil money, but that money is concentrated in the hands of relatively few. Just three countries—Pakistan, Iraq and Afghanistan—accounted for 54 percent of terrorist attacks and 58 percent of terrorist fatalities in 2012. All three of them are Muslim countries. Want to know who wants to solve the problem of terrorism the most? Muslim countries. That said, of the 50 or so Muslim countries in the world, only roughly 6 are dealing with terrorism, and all 6 happen to be among the poorest. Poverty and lack of access to good education usually go hand-in-hand. Sources below. As for the argument that most terrorism is Muslim, The Daily Beast has a great article about it: Are All Terrorists Muslims? It’s Not Even Close. They cite an interesting study that finds that not only is most terrorism not Muslim, most of it isn’t even religiously motivated. Here’s an excerpt from that report that found ethno-nationalist and separatist terrorism accounted for the majority of incidents from 2009-2013: (Sources below) This is important to note, because blaming people who are innocent will foment reprisal attacks, killing more innocent people, causing more reprisal attacks and the next thing we know we’re in World War III. Don’t be idiots. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: Statista – Countries with the highest number of deaths by terrorism in 2013, by percentage of total deaths Slate – More Than Half of the World’s Terrorist Attacks Happen in Just Three Countries TheDailyBeast – Are All Terrorists Muslims? It’s Not Even Close Wikipedia/IMF – GDP per capita Europol – EUROPEAN UNION TERRORISM SITUATION AND TREND REPORT 2014 The post Episode 79 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 79 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 78 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-78/ Tue, 10 Nov 2015 18:43:14 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1653 Episode 78 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster and Megan Pennock We’re joined by the lovely Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman and our own digital cyber demon, @Asterios is back for part of this episode. We discuss bad haircuts, bad bans and the bad, bad people who “convey semiotic violence” in the form of spooning. Special … Continue reading Episode 78

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1:20:30 Episode 78 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster and Megan Pennock Bad Haircuts 2305 Unfair Internet Bans -256 Spooning Victims -1025 See All the Problems... We’re joined by the lovely Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman and our[...] Episode 78 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster and Megan Pennock Bad Haircuts 2305 Unfair Internet Bans -256 Spooning Victims -1025 See All the Problems... We’re joined by the lovely Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman and our own digital cyber demon, @Asterios is back for part of this episode. We discuss bad haircuts, bad bans and the bad, bad people who “convey semiotic violence” in the form of spooning. Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off, or don’t to pay $50 more. That silly bullshit article about spooning is linked in the description below. And speaking of bullshit, I forgot to mention on this episode, but my long-awaited story about my experience on Penn & Teller’s Bullshit is coming soon… And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: Slate – Down with spooning The post Episode 78 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 78 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 77 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-77/ Tue, 03 Nov 2015 19:42:09 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1639 Episode 77 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster This episode I’m joined by the sneakiest of Greeks, @Asterios, where we discuss cowardly perverts and the stigma surrounding the loss of virginity. Plus, a special cap to the apple debate at the end of this episode. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s … Continue reading Episode 77

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1:16:09 Episode 77 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster The Virginity Stigma 1874 Cowardly Perverts 775 See All the Problems... This episode I’m joined by the sneakiest of Greeks, @Asterios, where we discuss cowardly perverts and the sti[...] Episode 77 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster The Virginity Stigma 1874 Cowardly Perverts 775 See All the Problems... This episode I’m joined by the sneakiest of Greeks, @Asterios, where we discuss cowardly perverts and the stigma surrounding the loss of virginity. Plus, a special cap to the apple debate at the end of this episode. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry’s and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year. Here’s that book I talked about in this episode: And here’s the new Sonic Turkey I made while live-streaming on Twitch the other day, pretty incredible. I had two job offers for 3D modeling because of this stream, plus Pixar wants to fly me out to do a workshop: And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Thumbnail credit: Credit: Science Museum, London. Wellcome Images, images@wellcome.ac.uk, http://wellcomeimages.org Sources: The Atlantic – On ‘late’-in-life virginity loss The post Episode 77 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 77 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 76 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-76/ Tue, 27 Oct 2015 20:00:35 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1626 Episode 76 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster This episode we are joined by our very spooky friend, Roger Barr from I-Mockery.com. Roger’s the foremost authority on all things Halloween and he’s working on a badass new game: Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” … Continue reading Episode 76

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1:20:42 Episode 76 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Zombie Apocalypse Planners 1318 Halloween Not Being Recognized as a National Holiday 760 Zombies 499 Haunts -583 See All the Problems... This episode we are joined by our very spo[...] Episode 76 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Zombie Apocalypse Planners 1318 Halloween Not Being Recognized as a National Holiday 760 Zombies 499 Haunts -583 See All the Problems... This episode we are joined by our very spooky friend, Roger Barr from I-Mockery.com. Roger’s the foremost authority on all things Halloween and he’s working on a badass new game: Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry’s and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year. And speaking of, here’s that CSI: NY clip we talked about on the show. This is my film debut. We were on set for 12-14 hours for this clip: And here’s my new episode I talked about in this episode: And finally, here’s the long-awaited Smash Brothers video that we teased around 10 episodes ago: And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: The post Episode 76 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 76 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 75 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-75/ Tue, 20 Oct 2015 19:26:44 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1609 Episode 75 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster I finally brought in that ever-amorphous political theory, and the most consistently pushed agenda from 50% of this show: Libertarian Theory. Dick got so mad he threw a pen at me. My problem went on long, so don’t hold that against Dick. He also wanted to bring in … Continue reading Episode 75

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1:18:34 Episode 75 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Burnt Popcorn 2886 Libertarian Theory -3311 The Concept of a Home Owner's Association As The Perfect Representation of a Libertarian Government Which Dick Insists It's Not So Vote It Down -3[...] Episode 75 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Burnt Popcorn 2886 Libertarian Theory -3311 The Concept of a Home Owner's Association As The Perfect Representation of a Libertarian Government Which Dick Insists It's Not So Vote It Down -3897 See All the Problems... I finally brought in that ever-amorphous political theory, and the most consistently pushed agenda from 50% of this show: Libertarian Theory. Dick got so mad he threw a pen at me. My problem went on long, so don’t hold that against Dick. He also wanted to bring in Home Owner’s Associations in as a separate problem, which it totally deserves to be, hence the renaming of my second problem. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry’s and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year. Here’s the cat meme about Libertarians that I mentioned on the show: Found on: http://ventrellaquest.com/tag/libertarians-are-like-cats/ Here’s the header of the main website for the Libertarian Party, lp.org. Pretty good slogan, but instead of “Minimum Government, Maximum Freedom,” why not “Maximum Fun!” It’s the party of eating your cake and still having it: My favorite bits from the platform: no mandatory education for kids! Parents should decide how–or if–their kids should be educated. Let’s extend that philosophy to vaccinations! In fact, they do just that: “We recognize the freedom of individuals to determine … the medicines and treatments they will use and all other aspects of their medical care.” Cool! How about, “Minimum Government, Maximum Measles!” Source linked below. But by far my favorite part of the website is the “Libertarian Solutions” section, which purports to show Libertarian candidates explaining how Libertarian Solutions make your life better… except the section is empty: Here’s the animation made by Mercatus Center showing some of the freest states. Poor New York always dead last! I hope they can rid themselves of all those regulations that are causing people to not want to live and work there: And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Image sources: Flag, Prospector, Shotgun, Bucket, Rip texture, Gold coins, House, Tissues, Frame Sources: Libertarian Party – Libertarian Party platform Freedominthe50states.org – The 50 states ranked by “policies that shape personal and economic freedom.” Utah made #10 on the overall list! Libertarian Party – Here’s the Libertarian Party “solutions” page that’s empty. Ventrellaquest.com – Cat comic The post Episode 75 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 75 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 74 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-74/ Tue, 13 Oct 2015 18:40:20 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1596 Well it finally happened. We finally told a story so gross that Sean almost threw up during this taping. We thought he was kidding at first until he pushed his mic away and started gagging. I was two adjectives away from having Sean ruin thousands of dollars of recording equipment with stomach bile. You’re welcome! … Continue reading Episode 74

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1:17:27 Pathogenic Bacteria 1458 Friend-Zone Opportunists 1439 Shitting Your Pants 1052 See All the Problems... Well it finally happened. We finally told a story so gross that Sean almost threw up during this taping. We thought he was kidd[...] Pathogenic Bacteria 1458 Friend-Zone Opportunists 1439 Shitting Your Pants 1052 See All the Problems... Well it finally happened. We finally told a story so gross that Sean almost threw up during this taping. We thought he was kidding at first until he pushed his mic away and started gagging. I was two adjectives away from having Sean ruin thousands of dollars of recording equipment with stomach bile. You’re welcome! Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off your new mattress. I’ve been sleeping on mine for nearly a year and it’s still awesome. Here’s the “gift” we received from Tom Lond from the C.U.N.T. foundation: “Thanks” “a” “lot.” And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Image sources: Flickr – Leaves Flickr – Background Sources: CDC – Number of people who get foodborne illnesses in the US every year. New York Times – CDC finds 23,000 deaths per year from antibiotic resistant infections CDC – 2002 study of mortality by bacterial infections The post Episode 74 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 74 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 73 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-73/ Tue, 06 Oct 2015 19:20:34 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1581 Episode 73 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster I finally bring in “friend-zoned pussies” this episode, along with Dick’s fuming about the Pope having an opinion. Plus a bunch of voicemail near the end of the episode about my use of a wig instead of actual pubes on my shirt. Actual pubes are gross, idiots. Nobody … Continue reading Episode 73

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1:13:55 Episode 73 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Friend-Zoned Pussies 1921 The Pope 183 See All the Problems... I finally bring in “friend-zoned pussies” this episode, along with Dick’s fuming about the Pope having an [...] Episode 73 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Friend-Zoned Pussies 1921 The Pope 183 See All the Problems... I finally bring in “friend-zoned pussies” this episode, along with Dick’s fuming about the Pope having an opinion. Plus a bunch of voicemail near the end of the episode about my use of a wig instead of actual pubes on my shirt. Actual pubes are gross, idiots. Nobody wants that on their shirt. In fact, here’s the picture of the hair that gets pulled from my chest every day at the end of shoots. Enjoy, idiots: Speaking of, the easier way to get rid of chest hair–which you should never do–is Harry’s. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. We received an awesome Buddy Cop trailer from long-time fan and listener, Wauterboi that we played during our 12th Bonus Episode. Here it is: And speaking of, I got paid a visit from our very own Wauterboi on the set of the game show I’m hosting in Vegas, Cash Floor. What a badass: “Ode to an Angry Dick” by Jacob Sigren. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Incredible thumbnail courtesy of Ali Hassanein Instagram – https://instagram.com/alihassanein/ Sources: Wikipedia – Friend zone definition and examples in popular culture. The post Episode 73 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 73 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 72 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-72/ Tue, 29 Sep 2015 18:03:40 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1566 Episode 72 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock A man bun is a bun you don’t want to eat, smell or touch. Mercifully, this trend in hairtrocity may be coming to an end. It turns out that man buns cause premature baldness. This week, Dick got sent a bunch of articles about how people with man … Continue reading Episode 72

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1:14:13 Human Robots, Man Buns Episode 72 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Human Robots 1637 Man Buns 616 See All the Problems... A man bun is a bun you don’t want to eat, smell or touch. Mercifully, this trend in hairtrocity may be coming to an end. It turns out that man buns cause premature baldness. This week, Dick got sent a bunch of articles about how people with man buns are going bald, which put the fear into him and may spell an end to the bun. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. Also, literally the day we recorded this episode, I saw this car that obviously just got in an accident with a parking ticket on its windshield. This is what I was talking about with “human robots.” The lacking of any judgment, empathy or reason. Just mindless application of rules: We also got paid a very Boisterous visit from the year 3000. And here’s the Lil’ Bits clip we mentioned on the show: And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Thumbnail courtesy of Eliazar Tatar Image attributions: Flickr – Gundam Flickr – Bun Flickr – Space Asterios bits: “News Theme” licensed under Creative Commons from Ithaca Audio: http://www.ithacaaudio.com/2010/12/07/news-theme/ Sources: ABC7 – Popular hair style causes premature baldness. Time – Study finds bald guys look more manly and dominant. Wallstreet Journal – Baldness signals authority and leadership FoxLA – Dick on Trump The post Episode 72 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 72 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 71 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-71/ Tue, 22 Sep 2015 18:07:34 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1549 Episode 71 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster We put up a united front against Vegans who stonewall restaurant choices in this episode. Also, the fan problem of “artificial scarcity of pretzel buns” from the tail lend of the last episode made it onto our list of official problems. And we tackle the big problem of … Continue reading Episode 71

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1:26:51 Stonewalling Vegans, Artificial Scarcity of Pretzel Buns, Paralysis Episode 71 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Stonewalling Vegans 2524 Paralysis 1729 Artificial Scarcity of Pretzel Buns 689 See All the Problems... We put up a united front against Vegans who stonewall restaurant choices in this episode. Also, the fan problem of “artificial scarcity of pretzel buns” from the tail lend of the last episode made it onto our list of official problems. And we tackle the big problem of paralysis. Here is the 3D-printed recreation of the model I made in my tutorial: Looks pretty good! Also my big announcement: I’m hosting a game show in Las Vegas! Here’s a pic from one of the shoots. I’ll be posting occasional pics from the set on my Instagram account: Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. Here’s what I was talking about during the episode with regards to smaller causes getting a “megaphone” to spread their message, like the ALS ice bucket challenge: It’s good that these often neglected areas of research are getting some attention, there can be a tipping point where we start paying an undue amount of attention compared to the impact it has on people’s lives. And for our SoundCloud listeners who might have missed it last episode, the podcast is syndicated there as well as iTunes and Stitcher: Finally, with regards to the counter-terrorist expert’s claims that “There is no evidence that demonstrates that countries with low levels of economic development, high rates of unemployment, poor rates of economic growth, high levels of income inequality … have higher levels of terrorism:” I think the fact that the top countries affected by terrorism have low level of economic development, high rates of unemployment, poor rates of economic growth and high levels of income inequality is pretty strong evidence: (Sources below) Thumbnail courtesy of Eliazar Tatar Image attributions: Flickr – Wide eye Flickr – Scream Flickr – Broccoli Flickr – Steak pan Sources: The Atlantic – The CIA poured billions into a jihad against Soviet-occupied Afghanistan ABC News – One in 50 Americans lives with paralysis WebMD – B12 deficiency found in 92% of vegans. Social Science Research Network – Does US Military intervention reduce terrorism? Statista – Countries with the highest number of deaths by terrorism Vox – ALS ice bucket challenge and why we give to certain charities The post Episode 71 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 71 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 70 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-70/ Tue, 15 Sep 2015 16:35:42 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1536 This episode was chock-full of facts—from me—with Dick & Sean forming a tag-team duo of incredulity. I've linked to sources about the disputed claims below (about the Swiss eating cats and dogs, donor fatigue and the lack of middle-eastern support for terrorism from Pew Research Center).

Speaking of, we had a surprisingly nuanced conversation about terrorism in this episode that didn't derail into a Trump campaign speech (though almost).

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1:17:54 Ham-Fisted Video Game Stories, Terrorism This episode was chock-full of facts—from me—with Dick & Sean forming a tag-team duo of incredulity. I've linked to sources about the disputed claims below (about the Swiss eating cats and dogs, donor fatigue and the lack of middle-eastern support for terrorism from Pew Research Center). Speaking of, we had a surprisingly nuanced conversation about terrorism in this episode that didn't derail into a Trump campaign speech (though almost). The post Episode 70 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 69 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-69/ Tue, 08 Sep 2015 17:28:48 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1510 For our 69th episode, we did a big sex-themed episode with special guest, author and dating expert, The Dating Advice Girl also known as Erin Tillman on Twitter, @datingadvicegrl:

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1:23:12 Poly-Evangelists, No Quality Singles, The Female Orgasm For our 69th episode, we did a big sex-themed episode with special guest, author and dating expert, The Dating Advice Girl also known as Erin Tillman on Twitter, @datingadvicegrl: The post Episode 69 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 68 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-68/ Tue, 01 Sep 2015 18:59:13 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1487 Episode 68 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. This week’s problems are both subsets of bigger problems: “People Who Can’t Cook” is a subset of anti-intellectualism, and “Toddlers” is a subset of “Babies,” since not all babies survive it to toddler age, whatever age that may be. Also, whoever wagered his life savings to see a … Continue reading Episode 68

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1:01:18 People Who Can't Cook, Toddlers Episode 68 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. People Who Can't Cook 1798 Toddlers 1753 See All the Problems... This week’s problems are both subsets of bigger problems: “People Who Can’t Cook” is a subset of anti-intellectualism, and “Toddlers” is a subset of “Babies,” since not all babies survive it to toddler age, whatever age that may be. Also, whoever wagered his life savings to see a video of a shitty self-checkout machine not working, send me an email at maddox@xmission.com because I’m going to take you to the cleaners. The metaphorical ones when I clean out your bank accounts, and the literal when you shit your pants when you realize I have multiple videos. Special thanks to Audible. Check out http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest for a free audio book download. Also, thanks to @asterios for calling in this week. And a big thanks to Tom Phillips and Denzel Walkes from http://www.gameobliterator.biz/ for calling in all the way from Germany to give us his report. Thumbnail by Eliazar Tatar Thumbnail Sources: Flickr – Middle fingers Flickr – Hello kid Flickr – Daycare Tom Phillips’ score: “Breaking In” – Boxcat Games Sources: YouTube – People who can’t cook is a problem from a new video I’m making. Coming soon… The post Episode 68 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 68 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 67 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-67/ Tue, 25 Aug 2015 15:36:45 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1475 Cheating can be a problem, but the biggest cheating you can do is to yourself with self-defeating thoughts. Buy tickets to my new life-coaching seminar. Also, too long of a shorts. I'm also teaching a seminar on indefinite articles.

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1:17:14 Cheating can be a problem, but the biggest cheating you can do is to yourself with self-defeating thoughts. Buy tickets to my new life-coaching seminar. Also, too long of a shorts. I'm also teaching a seminar on indefinite articles. The post Episode[...] Cheating can be a problem, but the biggest cheating you can do is to yourself with self-defeating thoughts. Buy tickets to my new life-coaching seminar. Also, too long of a shorts. I'm also teaching a seminar on indefinite articles. The post Episode 67 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 66 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-66/ Tue, 18 Aug 2015 17:22:27 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1455 Shit. You don't want it in you and you don't want it on you. It's a big problem. Plus, the fast food version of shit, and data caps. All kinds of shit this episode.

Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. I’m talking to you, ladies.

Here's the video McDonald's put out to assuage consumers' fears about their fries having "17 ingredients" that turned out to actually be 19. Which is definitely not a Franken-fry, according to McDonalds' PR campaign:

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1:21:31 Shit, Data Caps, McDonald's Shit. You don't want it in you and you don't want it on you. It's a big problem. Plus, the fast food version of shit, and data caps. All kinds of shit this episode. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. I’m talking to you, ladies. Here's the video McDonald's put out to assuage consumers' fears about their fries having "17 ingredients" that turned out to actually be 19. Which is definitely not a Franken-fry, according to McDonalds' PR campaign: The post Episode 66 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 65 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-65/ Tue, 11 Aug 2015 18:16:46 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1444 I finally brought in what is, to date, the biggest problem in the universe: death. Also, Dick has a problem with hoverboard hoaxes. Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off, or don’t and pay $50 more.

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1:08:44 Death, Hoverboard Hoaxes I finally brought in what is, to date, the biggest problem in the universe: death. Also, Dick has a problem with hoverboard hoaxes. Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off, or don’t and pay $50 more. The post Episode 65 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 64 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-64/ Tue, 04 Aug 2015 17:36:43 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1432 The problem we've teased in the intro for a while now is finally brought in: ants. Also, another type of ant that's arguably worse: infantalism. Just a bunch of emotionally immature cry babies who can't cope with the stress and pressure of life. And speaking of cry babies, Dick takes the trophy-hunting variety to task. And "piss driblets."

Big thanks to US for sponsoring this episode. The reviews are in and people love Bonus Episode #10. Thanks for supporting the show.

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1:17:26 Infantalism, Hunting Cry Babies, Ants, Piss Driblets The problem we've teased in the intro for a while now is finally brought in: ants. Also, another type of ant that's arguably worse: infantalism. Just a bunch of emotionally immature cry babies who can't cope with the stress and pressure of life. And speaking of cry babies, Dick takes the trophy-hunting variety to task. And "piss driblets." Big thanks to US for sponsoring this episode. The reviews are in and people love Bonus Episode #10. Thanks for supporting the show. The post Episode 64 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 63 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-63/ Tue, 28 Jul 2015 15:05:10 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1396 I take a big shit on Dropbox and other "data rental" services this episode, and Dick complains about boxes of another kind: the ones filled with your friends' stuff when you help them move. This might be one of the most comprehensive thumbnails we've had on the show. Also in studio with us today is Austin Blank (not as a guest with a problem, just an in-studio guest).

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1:08:35 I take a big shit on Dropbox and other "data rental" services this episode, and Dick complains about boxes of another kind: the ones filled with your friends' stuff when you help them move. This might be one of the most comprehensive thumbnails we'v[...] I take a big shit on Dropbox and other "data rental" services this episode, and Dick complains about boxes of another kind: the ones filled with your friends' stuff when you help them move. This might be one of the most comprehensive thumbnails we've had on the show. Also in studio with us today is Austin Blank (not as a guest with a problem, just an in-studio guest). The post Episode 63 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 62 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-62/ Tue, 21 Jul 2015 17:28:36 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1380 This week we are joined by the lovely and talented Robin Higgins. We discuss people who don't appreciate science, first-time jerk sessions and her play about the sex-lives of Star Trek characters. Speaking of, here's the Borg-gy scene we talked about in this episode:

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1:20:03 This week we are joined by the lovely and talented Robin Higgins. We discuss people who don't appreciate science, first-time jerk sessions and her play about the sex-lives of Star Trek characters. Speaking of, here's the Borg-gy scene we talked abou[...] This week we are joined by the lovely and talented Robin Higgins. We discuss people who don't appreciate science, first-time jerk sessions and her play about the sex-lives of Star Trek characters. Speaking of, here's the Borg-gy scene we talked about in this episode: The post Episode 62 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 61 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-61/ Tue, 14 Jul 2015 18:44:51 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1368 If you guys hated horses last episode, you're going to hate hoarseness even more this one as my voice has been ravaged by Comic-Con 2015. Plus, more acrid debating this episode. I don't know how, but Dick found a way to disagree with everything I had to say this episode. That's like a plot twist that nobody saw coming because it's not a plot twist. Plus two new songs, wage theft, and a blurb about Comic-Con.

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1:17:58 Stoner Marketing, Wage Theft, People Texting in Public Walkways If you guys hated horses last episode, you're going to hate hoarseness even more this one as my voice has been ravaged by Comic-Con 2015. Plus, more acrid debating this episode. I don't know how, but Dick found a way to disagree with everything I had to say this episode. That's like a plot twist that nobody saw coming because it's not a plot twist. Plus two new songs, wage theft, and a blurb about Comic-Con. The post Episode 61 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 60 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-60/ Tue, 07 Jul 2015 19:17:32 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1325 Hate horses? Love glue? Then this is the episode you've been waiting for. Also, Dick's hatred of sharks and phobia of normal bodily functions.

Here's some of the fan art we talked about this episode, courtesy of @daggersforteeth:

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1:13:52 Sharks, French Bread, Hiccups, Horses Hate horses? Love glue? Then this is the episode you've been waiting for. Also, Dick's hatred of sharks and phobia of normal bodily functions. Here's some of the fan art we talked about this episode, courtesy of @daggersforteeth: The post Episode 60 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 59 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-59/ Tue, 30 Jun 2015 18:54:16 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1292 It's a big week for marriage of the gay kind (so just marriage). Dick makes an indecent proposal, plus I share a bit of sad news.

And speaking of sad news, like a Phoenix rising from BBQ-flavored ashes made of porcelain, our producer Randy fixed the Ash figure that Butt Sanchez sent us back in Episode 52. It's as good as new. I even thought Randy might have purchased a new one to replace it. Nope, turns out he's just an alchemist.

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1:16:41 No Fumar, Selfie Sticks It's a big week for marriage of the gay kind (so just marriage). Dick makes an indecent proposal, plus I share a bit of sad news. And speaking of sad news, like a Phoenix rising from BBQ-flavored ashes made of porcelain, our producer Randy fixed the Ash figure that Butt Sanchez sent us back in Episode 52. It's as good as new. I even thought Randy might have purchased a new one to replace it. Nope, turns out he's just an alchemist. The post Episode 59 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 58 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-58/ Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:58:33 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1282 We've got a heavy topic this week that seems light-hearted at first, but boy are you in for a surprise of the bloviating kind. But as of this writing, the "80mph" video mentioned in this episode has over 1.2 million downloads with 4,787 votes of approval:

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1:20:42 Anti-Intellectualism, Free Water Cups We've got a heavy topic this week that seems light-hearted at first, but boy are you in for a surprise of the bloviating kind. But as of this writing, the "80mph" video mentioned in this episode has over 1.2 million downloads with 4,787 votes of approval: The post Episode 58 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 57 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-57/ Tue, 16 Jun 2015 18:17:35 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1263 We've got two 800-lb gorillas of problems this week where Dick and I put up a rare united front to the afront of the outrage-army. Plus the other 800-lb gorilla: people who eat soy. More specifically, soy itself. I'll bring in the people another time.

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1:18:52 Social Justice Warriors (SJW), Soy, Shitty Dads We've got two 800-lb gorillas of problems this week where Dick and I put up a rare united front to the afront of the outrage-army. Plus the other 800-lb gorilla: people who eat soy. More specifically, soy itself. I'll bring in the people another time. The post Episode 57 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 56 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-56/ Tue, 09 Jun 2015 18:26:15 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1249 Ever wonder why things happen? Turns out it's for a reason. Also, I bring in the two big "H" problems this week: honor killings and high heels. Dick and Sean think wobbly feet and permanent injury are a small price to pay for beauty.

Apparently talking about high heels, honor killings and teleology aren't nearly as contentious as talking about the Netflix, as you'll hear near the end of this episode with the debut of our new guest-host: Baby-Dick.

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1:21:47 Honor Killings, High Heels, Teleology, The "Are you still watching" button on Netflix Ever wonder why things happen? Turns out it's for a reason. Also, I bring in the two big "H" problems this week: honor killings and high heels. Dick and Sean think wobbly feet and permanent injury are a small price to pay for beauty. Apparently talking about high heels, honor killings and teleology aren't nearly as contentious as talking about the Netflix, as you'll hear near the end of this episode with the debut of our new guest-host: Baby-Dick. The post Episode 56 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 55 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-55/ Tue, 02 Jun 2015 18:47:24 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1203 We have a super-stuffed episode this week that's bursting at the seams with the amniotic fluid of comedy. Plus a certain DIGITAL CYBER DEMON stops by with an Internet report. Did you know those exist? Broaden your horizons.

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1:17:20 Speech Recognition, Pregnancy, Pizza Snobs, Tractors Pulling Out In Front Of You We have a super-stuffed episode this week that's bursting at the seams with the amniotic fluid of comedy. Plus a certain DIGITAL CYBER DEMON stops by with an Internet report. Did you know those exist? Broaden your horizons. The post Episode 55 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 54 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-54/ Tue, 26 May 2015 19:46:13 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1182 This week, idiots who are too hot and idiots who are too cold. I bring in a problem and a potential solution to that problem in the same episode (though still a problem in its own right). Dick and Sean walked right into my trap that I baited them with this episode.

Plus, we reveal that Shifty Sean actually did bring in a problem for our 1-year-anniversary, but the problem mysteriously got deleted. Who could have done it? What happened? We'll find out soon enough...

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1:11:51 People Who Complain About Being Cold All The Time, Perfectionism, Forest Fires This week, idiots who are too hot and idiots who are too cold. I bring in a problem and a potential solution to that problem in the same episode (though still a problem in its own right). Dick and Sean walked right into my trap that I baited them with this episode. Plus, we reveal that Shifty Sean actually did bring in a problem for our 1-year-anniversary, but the problem mysteriously got deleted. Who could have done it? What happened? We'll find out soon enough... The post Episode 54 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 53 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-53/ Tue, 19 May 2015 20:20:54 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1162 This week we're joined by the very funny and badass, Ron Babcock. His Instagram account, @heyron, has some of the best tour photos I've ever seen. Here's one of my favorite sketches Ron has done:

Last episode lured a lot of armchair economists out of the woodwork, and everyone except for me and a few critical thinkers in the comments section turned out to be idiots. Ironically, the care package we received last episode with the broken bottles turned out to be way more valuable than had those bottles shown up intact. Maddox: 1, Economists: 0 (forever).

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1:19:38 Automatic Sensors, Bad Blowjobs, Psychics Automatic Sensors, Bad Blowjobs, Psychics Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 52 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-52/ Tue, 12 May 2015 20:30:45 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1125 This is our biggest episode yet and may be one of my favorite episodes. Easily in the top 52 of all time. Dick is so blinded by the butt-hurt he feels towards cyclists that he refuses to even call them “cyclists.” Plus I’m so blinded by the butt-hurt from all you idiots that I demolished your stupid “broken window fallacy” that all you idiots kept parroting in the comments last episode. More like broken-record fallacy.

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1:36:39 Bicyclers, Armchair Economists This is our biggest episode yet and may be one of my favorite episodes. Easily in the top 52 of all time. Dick is so blinded by the butt-hurt he feels towards cyclists that he refuses to even call them “cyclists.” Plus I’m so blinded by the butt-hurt from all you idiots that I demolished your stupid “broken window fallacy” that all you idiots kept parroting in the comments last episode. More like broken-record fallacy. The post Episode 52 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 51 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-51/ Tue, 05 May 2015 19:18:19 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1112 Ever heard of an industry so shitty that boycotting it would make things worse? Think about that next time you buy flowers for your mom. And speaking of, happy Mother's Day, suckers! And I didn't even get to mention this in the episode, but the simple act of buying your wife flowers will make her think you're cheating on her (source below).

Plus, a big announcement on my website...

Also, Dick brings in a problem that objectively deserves to be on this list. Just not higher than #11. We're one episode away from our milestone of 52! What a fun number, just rolls off the tongue.

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1:12:33 Flowers, Earthquakes, Gossip, Bachelor Parties Ever heard of an industry so shitty that boycotting it would make things worse? Think about that next time you buy flowers for your mom. And speaking of, happy Mother's Day, suckers! And I didn't even get to mention this in the episode, but the simple act of buying your wife flowers will make her think you're cheating on her (source below). Plus, a big announcement on my website... Also, Dick brings in a problem that objectively deserves to be on this list. Just not higher than #11. We're one episode away from our milestone of 52! What a fun number, just rolls off the tongue. The post Episode 51 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 50 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-50/ Tue, 28 Apr 2015 18:26:43 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1074 Big surprise this week in our Big 50th episode, and what may be the most elaborate prank Dick and I have ever experienced. We're joined by special guest, @Asterios again. Except now he has a new nickname: The Sneaky Greek or Greek Sneak, along with his sidekick, Shifty Sean. Speaking of, here's the brilliant "The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man" series:

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1:23:56 Big surprise this week in our Big 50th episode, and what may be the most elaborate prank Dick and I have ever experienced. We're joined by special guest, @Asterios again. Except now he has a new nickname: The Sneaky Greek or Greek Sneak, along with [...] Big surprise this week in our Big 50th episode, and what may be the most elaborate prank Dick and I have ever experienced. We're joined by special guest, @Asterios again. Except now he has a new nickname: The Sneaky Greek or Greek Sneak, along with his sidekick, Shifty Sean. Speaking of, here's the brilliant "The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man" series: The post Episode 50 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 49 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-49/ Tue, 21 Apr 2015 19:25:02 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1050 It was 4/20 this week, which means everyone lights up and celebrates weed on the day Hitler was born. Dick makes an impassioned case for why pot should be legalized, and why people who smoke too much of it are idiots.

We also go more in-depth about the wage gap article and video I released recently.

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1:11:28 Reefer Madness, Wage Gap Truthers, Getting Too High It was 4/20 this week, which means everyone lights up and celebrates weed on the day Hitler was born. Dick makes an impassioned case for why pot should be legalized, and why people who smoke too much of it are idiots. We also go more in-depth about the wage gap article and video I released recently. The post Episode 49 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 48 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-48/ Tue, 14 Apr 2015 12:26:01 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1034 Like usual, controversy begins before the show does as we count down to a major milestone, but which one are we counting down to? 50 episodes or 1 year? Voice your opinion in the comments or by voting down monkeys. I bring in a timely vote grab: Income Tax. Maddox brings in some alarming stats on obesity, like that cars and trucks consume 938 million additional gallons of fuel per year transporting the weight Americans have put on since the 60s. And lastly, we invite everyone who worships at the Church of Bacon to try a bacon-wrapped go fuck yourself.

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1:05:57 Obesity, Income Tax, Bacon Worship Like usual, controversy begins before the show does as we count down to a major milestone, but which one are we counting down to? 50 episodes or 1 year? Voice your opinion in the comments or by voting down monkeys. I bring in a timely vote grab: Income Tax. Maddox brings in some alarming stats on obesity, like that cars and trucks consume 938 million additional gallons of fuel per year transporting the weight Americans have put on since the 60s. And lastly, we invite everyone who worships at the Church of Bacon to try a bacon-wrapped go fuck yourself. The post Episode 48 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 47 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-47/ Tue, 07 Apr 2015 18:24:43 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1019 I gave everyone blue balls by hinting that I'd bring in Guardians of the Galaxy a few episodes ago. Well it has finally come. And by it, I mean you. I shit all over the movie in this episode. I didn't even get to all of my gripes due in part to Dick's inexplicable love for boring superheroes like Superman.

And here's the little dick that Dick found on his car. I wonder who drew this work of art?

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1:07:25 Wash Me, Guardians of the Galaxy, Losing Your Cellphone I gave everyone blue balls by hinting that I'd bring in Guardians of the Galaxy a few episodes ago. Well it has finally come. And by it, I mean you. I shit all over the movie in this episode. I didn't even get to all of my gripes due in part to Dick's inexplicable love for boring superheroes like Superman. And here's the little dick that Dick found on his car. I wonder who drew this work of art? The post Episode 47 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 46 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-46/ Tue, 31 Mar 2015 20:36:52 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=1006 Big episode this week, with the most elaborate Dick vs Dick in the show's history, going all the way back to episode 1. Also, Dick's penchant for shitty Vine videos and his hatred of the BBC. I love the BBC and I would change my last name to BBC out of spite if I had a last name.

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1:18:10 Vine Stars, BBC Big episode this week, with the most elaborate Dick vs Dick in the show's history, going all the way back to episode 1. Also, Dick's penchant for shitty Vine videos and his hatred of the BBC. I love the BBC and I would change my last name to BBC out of spite if I had a last name. The post Episode 46 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 45 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-45/ Tue, 24 Mar 2015 09:24:04 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=980 Love overbearing governments, nothing to do and anal? Utah might be for you. Plus, Dick breaks his penis and I eat a steak with a dash of barf.

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1:12:30 Utah, Mars One, Loud Talkers, Penis Injuries Love overbearing governments, nothing to do and anal? Utah might be for you. Plus, Dick breaks his penis and I eat a steak with a dash of barf. The post Episode 45 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 44 + LIVE #4 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-44/ Tue, 17 Mar 2015 20:24:33 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=959 Here's the article that this week's problem was based on: http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=dancing_man Dick, the contrarian-in-chief, did his best to defend party girls. I go into a lot more detail on my website with relevant tweets and sources:

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1:15:39 Smartphone Fact-Finding Fuckheads, Well-Intentioned Idiots, Kid Prison, Unsolicited Advice, The Huffington Post Here's the article that this week's problem was based on: http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=dancing_man Dick, the contrarian-in-chief, did his best to defend party girls. I go into a lot more detail on my website with relevant tweets and sources: The post Episode 44 + LIVE #4 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 43 + LIVE #3 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-43/ Tue, 10 Mar 2015 19:37:58 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=924 Spoiler alert: if you care about spoilers, you're an idiot and your children won't get into a good college. In this episode, I make a case for how left turns cause terrorism and Dick reminisces about his man and the Duke & Dutchess of weed. Speaking of, here are a few of those Sean memes.

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1:04:51 People Who Turn Left, Chump Syndrome, People Having Sex In Weird Places, The Pronoun "They", Spoiler Cry Babies Spoiler alert: if you care about spoilers, you're an idiot and your children won't get into a good college. In this episode, I make a case for how left turns cause terrorism and Dick reminisces about his man and the Duke & Dutchess of weed. Speaking of, here are a few of those Sean memes. The post Episode 43 + LIVE #3 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 42 + LIVE #2 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-42/ Tue, 03 Mar 2015 20:49:22 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=903 The backlash to "fat shaming" seems to be "fit shaming," which is abjectly stupid. I could spend all day eating overpriced steak while standing in line at the Apple store and hammering nails into my pee-hole, and fit-shamers would still be dumber. Also, Dick doubles down on his non-theory about allergens, and doesn't like to read NPR or any other news source.

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1:03:34 Fit Shaming, Superbugs The backlash to "fat shaming" seems to be "fit shaming," which is abjectly stupid. I could spend all day eating overpriced steak while standing in line at the Apple store and hammering nails into my pee-hole, and fit-shamers would still be dumber. Also, Dick doubles down on his non-theory about allergens, and doesn't like to read NPR or any other news source. The post Episode 42 + LIVE #2 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 41 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-41/ Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:25:25 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=862 We are joined by a very special, fan-favorite guest this week. You asked for it, so you got it. Fans of angry rebukes of our fans should love this episode. Plus, live episode 2 coming next Tuesday, March 3rd. Also, "Guardians of the Galaxy" sucks full-time. Everyone's an idiot except for me.

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1:05:35 Hay Fever, Recently Enlightened People, Bathroom Attendants We are joined by a very special, fan-favorite guest this week. You asked for it, so you got it. Fans of angry rebukes of our fans should love this episode. Plus, live episode 2 coming next Tuesday, March 3rd. Also, "Guardians of the Galaxy" sucks full-time. Everyone's an idiot except for me. The post Episode 41 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 40 + LIVE #1 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-40/ Tue, 17 Feb 2015 23:46:32 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=851 This episode we hear more stupid Titanic stuff, along with a fan-made Titanic song by Grant Mooney, which is among the worst things I've ever heard (up there with babies and the laughter of children). Then we hear a cool song by Jiggity Smith.

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1:04:31 People Who Love To Sleep, Newscasterbation This episode we hear more stupid Titanic stuff, along with a fan-made Titanic song by Grant Mooney, which is among the worst things I've ever heard (up there with babies and the laughter of children). Then we hear a cool song by Jiggity Smith. The post Episode 40 + LIVE #1 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 39 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-39/ Tue, 10 Feb 2015 18:08:15 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=841 Ever wanted to hear somebody defend "love" on the grounds that it cures cancer? Hope you like fallacies, because Dick cites a study that does just that without controlling for variables such as increased access to insurance benefits and medical care for couples who are married. Love increases oxytocin levels in your body, which makes you more trusting. In other words, a mark. It's the same feeling animals get when licked, or thieves get when they plan a heist. Enjoy getting taken advantage of, suckers. As for me? I'm an unloved genius. And finally, Dick trades in all his remaining man points to defend Valentine's Day.

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1:12:39 Sex With The Ex, Love, Rose Peddlers, Valentine's Day Ever wanted to hear somebody defend "love" on the grounds that it cures cancer? Hope you like fallacies, because Dick cites a study that does just that without controlling for variables such as increased access to insurance benefits and medical care for couples who are married. Love increases oxytocin levels in your body, which makes you more trusting. In other words, a mark. It's the same feeling animals get when licked, or thieves get when they plan a heist. Enjoy getting taken advantage of, suckers. As for me? I'm an unloved genius. And finally, Dick trades in all his remaining man points to defend Valentine's Day. The post Episode 39 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 38 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-38/ Tue, 03 Feb 2015 21:11:12 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=835 If you haven't listened to these episodes past the outro, you're missing out--bro. we've been adding extra voicemail to the end of each episode. This time a fan, Tim Johns, sent in a "spicy erotic audio book" clip called "Changing the Sheets." It's an erotic adventure starring yours truly, Dick and a special Boisterous cameo. Also, prepare to be bummed out with a real problem. You idiots got what you asked for. Dick has a great problem for wrong reasons (full disclosure: opinion just expressed is not necessarily that of Dick's), and I make a strong case for why automatic hand dryers are a bigger problem than diabetes. That is, unless you don't think going deaf and breathing gallons of bacteria into your lungs is a problem.

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1:07:13 Ghostbusting the Patriarchy, Black Income Disparity, Type 2 Diabetes, Automatic Hand Dryers If you haven't listened to these episodes past the outro, you're missing out--bro. we've been adding extra voicemail to the end of each episode. This time a fan, Tim Johns, sent in a "spicy erotic audio book" clip called "Changing the Sheets." It's an erotic adventure starring yours truly, Dick and a special Boisterous cameo. Also, prepare to be bummed out with a real problem. You idiots got what you asked for. Dick has a great problem for wrong reasons (full disclosure: opinion just expressed is not necessarily that of Dick's), and I make a strong case for why automatic hand dryers are a bigger problem than diabetes. That is, unless you don't think going deaf and breathing gallons of bacteria into your lungs is a problem. The post Episode 38 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 37 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-37/ Tue, 27 Jan 2015 20:48:14 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=813 We are joined by comedy writer Nathan Buckley this week. He's written a bunch of stuff, but the pinnacle of his career may very well be writing for The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Live Show. Here's his badass Twitter account: @duplicitron. I snuck the problem of moths into my "overpriced vintage clothing" problem. You're welcome. Here's the fan art by @danielwarren86 that we talked about on the show. Dick vs Dick. Who will win? My money's on Dick.

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1:08:22 The No Fun League, The Travel Bug, Overpriced Vintage Clothing / Moths We are joined by comedy writer Nathan Buckley this week. He's written a bunch of stuff, but the pinnacle of his career may very well be writing for The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Live Show. Here's his badass Twitter account: @duplicitron. I snuck the problem of moths into my "overpriced vintage clothing" problem. You're welcome. Here's the fan art by @danielwarren86 that we talked about on the show. Dick vs Dick. Who will win? My money's on Dick. The post Episode 37 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 36 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-36/ Tue, 20 Jan 2015 12:41:08 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=791 We don't often do this here at The Biggest Problem in the Universe, but as a public service announcement, we feel it necessary to mention the following: your obnoxiously-loud exhaust system isn't impressive, won't help you get laid and sounds like shit. You don't need to announce your small penis at 110 decibels. Also, Dick didn't send me any stats, so I researched it myself and found the bullshit-sounding "study" he referenced about different cars arousing men and women differently. The study was furnished by an insurance company called "Hiscox." Sounds legit (source below).

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1:05:47 Loud Muffler Douchebags, Jury Duty, Non-Porn Porn, Changing Your Sheets We don't often do this here at The Biggest Problem in the Universe, but as a public service announcement, we feel it necessary to mention the following: your obnoxiously-loud exhaust system isn't impressive, won't help you get laid and sounds like shit. You don't need to announce your small penis at 110 decibels. Also, Dick didn't send me any stats, so I researched it myself and found the bullshit-sounding "study" he referenced about different cars arousing men and women differently. The study was furnished by an insurance company called "Hiscox." Sounds legit (source below). The post Episode 36 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 35 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-35/ Tue, 13 Jan 2015 17:38:27 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=766 In this episode, I suggest banning satire and the larger implications of terrorist ideology and Dick wants to air out his crotch. Here's to hoping we, as a society, create a national satire registry to check all written documents for witty or sarcastic language that is used to make a point, often ironically.

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1:04:04 Manspreading Discontent, Satire In this episode, I suggest banning satire and the larger implications of terrorist ideology and Dick wants to air out his crotch. Here's to hoping we, as a society, create a national satire registry to check all written documents for witty or sarcastic language that is used to make a point, often ironically. The post Episode 35 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 34 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-34/ Tue, 06 Jan 2015 18:52:37 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=747 For our first regular episode of 2015, we cover diarrhea diets, otherwise known as "detox diets" like the "Master Cleanse" and "Fruit Flush," which is aptly named. Dick has a hangover, so business as usual. Also, I get more petty than normal by responding very thoroughly to a long-ass criticism of my debating style

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1:07:01 Lesser Minds, Hangovers, Detox For our first regular episode of 2015, we cover diarrhea diets, otherwise known as "detox diets" like the "Master Cleanse" and "Fruit Flush," which is aptly named. Dick has a hangover, so business as usual. Also, I get more petty than normal by responding very thoroughly to a long-ass criticism of my debating style The post Episode 34 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 33 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-33/ Tue, 30 Dec 2014 20:13:42 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=725 Want to make a New Year's resolution? How about solving world hunger or curing cancer while you're at it. These are all things that are about as likely to occur because people treat New Year's resolutions like magic lamps. Also, Dick thinks the majority of products from China are inferior, yet keeps buying products from China and supports companies like Walmart. We also received some gifts from our lovely transcribers, Laurie and Megan. Plus more outrageous claims and frustration when I ask for evidence.

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1:05:29 Made In China, New Year's Resolutions Want to make a New Year's resolution? How about solving world hunger or curing cancer while you're at it. These are all things that are about as likely to occur because people treat New Year's resolutions like magic lamps. Also, Dick thinks the majority of products from China are inferior, yet keeps buying products from China and supports companies like Walmart. We also received some gifts from our lovely transcribers, Laurie and Megan. Plus more outrageous claims and frustration when I ask for evidence. The post Episode 33 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 32 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-32/ Tue, 23 Dec 2014 18:50:27 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=715 This week, Dick doubles down on an urban legend about euthanized pets in dog food, to the tune of 200 tons per month--all without a single shred of evidence. It's a Christmas miracle! We also discuss the difficulties that apparently only I have in buying Christmas gifts for women.

Then Dick predictably defends Sony for yielding to terrorists. Hint: it's Obama's fault for not installing anti-virus software. And finally, I point out the obnoxiousness of the phenomenon of "ugly Christmas sweater parties." It's a trendy, insincere, one-note joke that uncreative douchebags have glommed onto. So much so that the second result on Google is from people searching for "ugly Christmas sweater ideas." What ideas are there to be had? It's the same assembly of smug, ironic losers standing around swishing their red Solo cups, winking and nodding in self-satisfaction during their unintentionally ironic self-parodying party.

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1:14:40 Christmas Gifts, Sony, The Whole Virgin-Birth Thing, Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties This week, Dick doubles down on an urban legend about euthanized pets in dog food, to the tune of 200 tons per month--all without a single shred of evidence. It's a Christmas miracle! We also discuss the difficulties that apparently only I have in buying Christmas gifts for women. Then Dick predictably defends Sony for yielding to terrorists. Hint: it's Obama's fault for not installing anti-virus software. And finally, I point out the obnoxiousness of the phenomenon of "ugly Christmas sweater parties." It's a trendy, insincere, one-note joke that uncreative douchebags have glommed onto. So much so that the second result on Google is from people searching for "ugly Christmas sweater ideas." What ideas are there to be had? It's the same assembly of smug, ironic losers standing around swishing their red Solo cups, winking and nodding in self-satisfaction during their unintentionally ironic self-parodying party. The post Episode 32 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 31 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-31/ Tue, 16 Dec 2014 19:45:39 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=707 We recorded two episodes this week, but only one will ever air. The reason? Tune in to find out. The thumbnail is a big hint. This week Dick tries to argue that hunger is a bigger problem than gourmet dog food, and misses the irony of a society that places higher value on feeding their dogs gourmet food than feeding starving people. You can't simultaneously argue that hunger is a problem and that spending $3.30 for "vitamin-infused mountain-spring water" for your dog isn't.

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1:09:36 Audio Engineers Deleting Podcasts, Hunger, Gourmet Dog Food We recorded two episodes this week, but only one will ever air. The reason? Tune in to find out. The thumbnail is a big hint. This week Dick tries to argue that hunger is a bigger problem than gourmet dog food, and misses the irony of a society that places higher value on feeding their dogs gourmet food than feeding starving people. You can't simultaneously argue that hunger is a problem and that spending $3.30 for "vitamin-infused mountain-spring water" for your dog isn't. The post Episode 31 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 30 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-30/ Tue, 09 Dec 2014 11:19:49 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=696 Big episode about the two worst kind of “philes,” specifically the audio and pedo kind. This is an important episode. Especially Dick’s insight into goofy fictional swords. I’m posting all of the sources cited in this episode at the bottom of the post this time because I still think the constant stream of links peppered throughout articles are annoying and distracting.

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1:08:38 Pedophiles, Audiophiles, Goofy Lightsabers Big episode about the two worst kind of “philes,” specifically the audio and pedo kind. This is an important episode. Especially Dick’s insight into goofy fictional swords. I’m posting all of the sources cited in this episode at the bottom of the post this time because I still think the constant stream of links peppered throughout articles are annoying and distracting. The post Episode 30 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 29 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-29/ Tue, 02 Dec 2014 20:03:49 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=680 Celebrity worship has given rise to anti-vaxxer dipshits, birthers, creationists and war zealots. In other words, some of the biggest problems in the universe. Here’s an article about the psychology of celebrity stalkers as well as some of the general characteristics of Celebrity Worship Syndrome.

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1:25:18 Bro-Downs, Celebrity Worship, Undercooked Rice, Hipsters Celebrity worship has given rise to anti-vaxxer dipshits, birthers, creationists and war zealots. In other words, some of the biggest problems in the universe. Here’s an article about the psychology of celebrity stalkers as well as some of the general characteristics of Celebrity Worship Syndrome. The post Episode 29 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 28 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-28/ Tue, 25 Nov 2014 17:49:04 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=642 Want a federally mandated holiday off? Too bad! Even requesting a day off between November 15 and January 1st isn't allowed in some stores. Not that it matters, because over half of consumers will be shopping online, so all these draconian slave-labor policies are moot. And the biggest horse-shit justification for all of this? Walmart thinks they're doing you a favor, like airlines and gas stations.

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1:15:36 Mandatory Holiday Shifts, Airline Surcharges, Snakes, Not Enough Black Friday Violence Want a federally mandated holiday off? Too bad! Even requesting a day off between November 15 and January 1st isn't allowed in some stores. Not that it matters, because over half of consumers will be shopping online, so all these draconian slave-labor policies are moot. And the biggest horse-shit justification for all of this? Walmart thinks they're doing you a favor, like airlines and gas stations. The post Episode 28 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 27 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-27/ Tue, 18 Nov 2014 20:33:18 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=625 This week, Boisterous Coconuts is back! Check out The Adventures of Twenty-Something Mega Man or the Digital Cyberdemon himself on Twitter.

Here's the article about the ways to be insufferable on Facebook. This was a big episode because there was a lot to cover, but I could have done an entire episode on Facebook alone. Lots more to come. And here's the horse-shit outrage-porn where people are tripping over themselves to be offended at this guy's bowling shirt that has apparently set back the civil rights movement by a decade or two.

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1:27:16 Engineering Sexism, Burlesque Dancers, Facebook This week, Boisterous Coconuts is back! Check out The Adventures of Twenty-Something Mega Man or the Digital Cyberdemon himself on Twitter. Here's the article about the ways to be insufferable on Facebook. This was a big episode because there was a lot to cover, but I could have done an entire episode on Facebook alone. Lots more to come. And here's the horse-shit outrage-porn where people are tripping over themselves to be offended at this guy's bowling shirt that has apparently set back the civil rights movement by a decade or two. The post Episode 27 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 26 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-26/ Tue, 11 Nov 2014 13:56:05 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=610 Think you can multitask like Dick? Then you'd better plan on scraping a lot of dog shit off your shoes because people can't multitask. If you think you can, here's a multitasking game with an unfortunate techno soundtrack to test yourself, or take this multitasking test from the New York Times to prove how woefully inadequate you are at multitasking. I am the only exception to the rule as I wrote this paragraph, created the thumbnail for this post in Photoshop and passed the Battletoads Bike Stage with my toes all while simultaneously pleasuring a supermodel and grilling Korean pork spare ribs.

And as mentioned, here's the article titled, Diamonds Are Bullshit. And here's the very thorough and interesting article from The Atlantic that posits a simple question: Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond?

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1:10:46 People Who Don't Curb Their Dogs, Diamonds, Fake Lawns, Chaise Sofas Think you can multitask like Dick? Then you'd better plan on scraping a lot of dog shit off your shoes because people can't multitask. If you think you can, here's a multitasking game with an unfortunate techno soundtrack to test yourself, or take this multitasking test from the New York Times to prove how woefully inadequate you are at multitasking. I am the only exception to the rule as I wrote this paragraph, created the thumbnail for this post in Photoshop and passed the Battletoads Bike Stage with my toes all while simultaneously pleasuring a supermodel and grilling Korean pork spare ribs. And as mentioned, here's the article titled, Diamonds Are Bullshit. And here's the very thorough and interesting article from The Atlantic that posits a simple question: Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond? The post Episode 26 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 25 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-25/ Tue, 04 Nov 2014 12:43:35 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=559 Exciting news: our first-ever BONUS EPISODE is launching tomorrow available now! Dick finally mans up and accepts my hot sauce challenge, and we have a supercut of our very first unaired pilot that we recorded over 2 years ago. I sound like I haven't aged a day... ever. As in, I sounded just like I did when I was a baby, which is exactly how I sound today.

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1:08:23 Motorcycle Fairings, Pyramid Schemes / Herbalife, Catcalling, Pennies Exciting news: our first-ever BONUS EPISODE is launching tomorrow available now! Dick finally mans up and accepts my hot sauce challenge, and we have a supercut of our very first unaired pilot that we recorded over 2 years ago. I sound like I haven't aged a day... ever. As in, I sounded just like I did when I was a baby, which is exactly how I sound today. The post Episode 25 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 24 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-24/ Tue, 28 Oct 2014 00:01:43 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=523 We are joined by Roger Barr, creator of I-Mockery.com and expert on all things Halloween. Check out his Twitter account at @imockery and his games here.

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1:07:14 Witch Alarmists, People Not Dressing Up For Halloween, Not Enough Razor Blades in Candy We are joined by Roger Barr, creator of I-Mockery.com and expert on all things Halloween. Check out his Twitter account at @imockery and his games here. The post Episode 24 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 23 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-23/ Tue, 21 Oct 2014 19:32:20 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=492 Worried about Ebola? Don't be. Worrying about getting Ebola makes you more susceptible to getting Ebola. Here's Why Extreme Fear Of Ebola Is Bad For Your Health. And here are some facts about how overblown the Ebola threat is, when the flu will kill more people this year. And every year.

And here's the link to research about just how much of a time-suck meetings are.

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1:10:02 Snapchat Pictures of Not Tits, Ebola Alarmists, Chatty Uber Drivers, Meetings Worried about Ebola? Don't be. Worrying about getting Ebola makes you more susceptible to getting Ebola. Here's Why Extreme Fear Of Ebola Is Bad For Your Health. And here are some facts about how overblown the Ebola threat is, when the flu will kill more people this year. And every year. And here's the link to research about just how much of a time-suck meetings are. The post Episode 23 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 22 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-22/ Tue, 14 Oct 2014 18:49:36 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=479 Here's the 1984 Big Brother water tattling app that you can use to usher in our impending dystopian future. Not that it matters, because 80% of our water use goes directly towards agriculture and industry, not to mention 15% of our water goes directly towards alfalfa crops. Next time you want to eat alfalfa, eat a dick instead.

And what Tuesday would be complete without a gallon or two of sweet, sweet governmental hypocrisy? Apparently council members are too important to abide by their own credo. And even though many municipalities exceeded water usage targets, it hasn't stopped preachy hipsters from their "well, actually..." sermons. They won't be happy until everyone stops showering.

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1:05:08 California Drought Dickbags, Hippies Here's the 1984 Big Brother water tattling app that you can use to usher in our impending dystopian future. Not that it matters, because 80% of our water use goes directly towards agriculture and industry, not to mention 15% of our water goes directly towards alfalfa crops. Next time you want to eat alfalfa, eat a dick instead. And what Tuesday would be complete without a gallon or two of sweet, sweet governmental hypocrisy? Apparently council members are too important to abide by their own credo. And even though many municipalities exceeded water usage targets, it hasn't stopped preachy hipsters from their "well, actually..." sermons. They won't be happy until everyone stops showering. The post Episode 22 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 21 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-21/ Tue, 07 Oct 2014 15:36:03 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=469 This week we are joined by Asterios Kokkinos, very funny comedian and all-around good guy. Here's his newly-released mini-comic, The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man.

Dick has a fit about Androids this week as we learn that he doesn't read the front page of this website because he's too busy fellating low-level employees at an Apple "Genius" bar.

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1:09:55 Toms Shoes, Anti-Vaxxers, Nut-hugging Android Fanboys This week we are joined by Asterios Kokkinos, very funny comedian and all-around good guy. Here's his newly-released mini-comic, The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man. Dick has a fit about Androids this week as we learn that he doesn't read the front page of this website because he's too busy fellating low-level employees at an Apple "Genius" bar. The post Episode 21 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 20 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-20/ Tue, 30 Sep 2014 10:52:57 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=456 Episode 20 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster This week’s problems were so big, we only brought in one each. First, here’s the Wired review of the iPhone 6 in which everything about it is hailed as “a new gold standard,” while in the same article it acknowledges that better cameras do exist, the native apps … Continue reading Episode 20

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1:03:14 Transgendered MMA Fighters, iPhone 6 Episode 20 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster iPhone 6 2812 Transgendered MMA Fighters 2530 See All the Problems... This week’s problems were so big, we only brought in one each. First, here’s the Wired review of the iPhone 6 in which everything about it is hailed as “a new gold standard,” while in the same article it acknowledges that better cameras do exist, the native apps crash too frequently, the camera doesn’t always work from the lock screen, and the phone does indeed bend. Here’s the waterproof Samsung Galaxy S5, which I don’t own, so I don’t have a horse in this race. Also, I don’t give a shit about whether or not you switch from your stupid precious iPhones. Go ahead and run to the “genius” bar every time you need big mama Apple to do something as simple as replace your battery or wipe your ass. I prefer you idiots suffer from your bad decisions. Just shut up about your stupid iPhones already, nobody cares. Samsung, HTC and LG need to stop copying shitty iPhone features. iPhones blow. And yes, the phones do bend. I’ve seen the Wall Street analyst tweet about how he wasn’t able to bend the phone. Apparently he’s weaker than these kids. Also, I’ve seen the flawed Consumer Reports bend-test, however their test puts pressure directly in the center of each phone they tested, not near the buttons where the phones are most susceptible to being bent while sitting in your pocket. Shut up about the shitty test already. Kids are bending the phone, game over. Finally, thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the code biggestproblem when checking out to save $5 off your purchase and it’ll help our show. The post Episode 20 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 20 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 19 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-19/ Tue, 23 Sep 2014 17:20:42 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=412 Episode 19 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster This preview from the new season of South Park perfectly sums up the Redskins controversy: Correction: 1 out of 6 people don’t have AIDS or HIV. The correct stat according to the CDC is: More than 1.1 million people in the United States are living with HIV infection, … Continue reading Episode 19

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1:07:02 Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey, Flat Tires, The Washington Redskins Controversy, AIDS Episode 19 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster AIDS 3471 Flat Tires 1756 The Washington Redskins Controversy -179 Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey -1105 See All the Problems... This preview from the new season of South Park perfectly sums up the Redskins controversy: Correction: 1 out of 6 people don’t have AIDS or HIV. The correct stat according to the CDC is: More than 1.1 million people in the United States are living with HIV infection, and almost 1 in 6 (15.8%) are unaware of their infection. Source The confusion on the episode comes from this shitty infographic from aids.gov because they separate the statistic with a giant image that breaks up the text. And here are the stupid conspiracy theories about the origin of AIDS if you’re in the mood for reading bullshit. And finally, here are some articles about awesome tires that exist but we’re still not using: A Tire That Evolves as It Wears Reinventing the Wheel (and the Tire, Too) Tweel photo credit The post Episode 19 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 19 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 18 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-18/ Tue, 16 Sep 2014 16:39:52 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=390 Episode 18 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster This week we’re joined by bestselling author and director of marketing for American Apparel, Ryan Holiday. He shares his keen insight on the growing trend of outrage porn, or the strategies that click-bait websites use to appeal to your base emotions. Check him out on Twitter, @RyanHoliday and … Continue reading Episode 18

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1:07:33 Episode 18 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Outrage Porn 5982 Transportation Security Administration (TSA) 4286 Babies 1121 See All the Problems... This week we’re joined by bestselling author and director of marketing fo[...] Transportation Security Administration (TSA), Outrage Porn, Babies Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 17 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-17/ Tue, 09 Sep 2014 15:28:33 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=378 Episode 17 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Check out these nepotistic douchebags hiring everyone in their family for a job. The shittiest employee at every job is usually the boss’ son/daughter/nephew. So if you downvote this problem, you enjoy having shitty, inept co-workers. Here’s the Ad Week article about the Parents Research Council losing funding, … Continue reading Episode 17

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1:12:40 Shitty Passengers, Nepotism, Jennifer Lawrence's Tits, Parents Television Council Episode 17 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Nepotism 3445 Parents Television Council 2920 Shitty Passengers 2222 Jennifer Lawrence's Tits -2523 See All the Problems... Check out these nepotistic douchebags hiring everyone in their family for a job. The shittiest employee at every job is usually the boss’ son/daughter/nephew. So if you downvote this problem, you enjoy having shitty, inept co-workers. Here’s the Ad Week article about the Parents Research Council losing funding, along with their attempt to regulate YouTube. And here’s the New York Times article I referenced about them trying to cancel $#*! My Dad Says. And here’s Gawker’s hypocritical double standard about celebrity nudes. Special thanks to Angelo Vildasol for the badass king-head illustration. Finally, we have Audible as a sponsor for our episode. Go to http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest to download a free audio book. Audible will determine whether they’ll continue sponsorship on our podcast based on how many listeners use the service. So give it a try to support this podcast. You don’t even have to create a new account because it uses Amazon to log in. Let us know what books to check out in the comments that we may discuss in a future episode. Update: Reader Seth Johnson sent this clip in from “A Bronx Tale:” The post Episode 17 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 17 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 16 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-16/ Tue, 02 Sep 2014 17:09:53 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=370 Episode 16 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Here’s the insane amount of editions for Watch Dogs in case you give a shit about a baseball cap or a map of Chicago. A number of people have asked about the voicemail number. We haven’t given it out on the episode because we want people to stumble … Continue reading Episode 16

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1:04:09 Cold Lasers, Game Pre-Purchases, Missing Your Fantasy Football Draft, Game Post-Purchases (DLC) Episode 16 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Game Post-Purchases 3239 Cold Lasers 2891 Game Pre-Purchases 2738 Missing Your Fantasy Football Draft -4257 See All the Problems... Here’s the insane amount of editions for Watch Dogs in case you give a shit about a baseball cap or a map of Chicago. A number of people have asked about the voicemail number. We haven’t given it out on the episode because we want people to stumble upon it on the site as a little experiment. It’s not exactly hidden. You can find it if you look. This is the part where I’d link to some studies or something, but turns out there aren’t studies about missing your Fantasy Football Draft because nobody gives a shit. And here’s a quote from a paper about cold laser therapy from an actual health insurance company: there is inadequate evidence of the effectiveness of cold laser therapy… Source Not that you need them to spell it out because the list of things that it remedies is longer than the ingredients in a Big Mac. The post Episode 16 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 16 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 15 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-15/ Tue, 26 Aug 2014 15:38:49 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=357 Episode 15 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Here’s an article that discusses how Facebook’s satire tag is damaging our ability to think critically. Here’s a frankly tedious history of emoji. It’s not important to read and I don’t recommend it due to boringness, but it’s there nonetheless for people who are curious about how our … Continue reading Episode 15

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1:00:35 Facebook Satire Tags, Emoji / Icons, Militarized Police, Spiderwoman's Ass Episode 15 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Militarized Police 10321 Facebook Satire Tags 3564 Emoji 689 Spiderwoman's Ass -1362 See All the Problems... Here’s an article that discusses how Facebook’s satire tag is damaging our ability to think critically. Here’s a frankly tedious history of emoji. It’s not important to read and I don’t recommend it due to boringness, but it’s there nonetheless for people who are curious about how our language has started to devolve into hieroglyphs. And here’s the heinous article by an LAPD cop who acknowledges that corruption and police brutality exist, yet still doesn’t want you to challenge him. The Onion did a brilliant piece about the pros and cons of militarizing our police [NOTE: THE PREVIOUS LINK IS SATIRE, WHICH MEANS THAT IT’S A HUMOROUS PIECE THAT POINTS OUT THE ABSURDITIES OF MILITARIZING THE POLICE USING SARCASM] But most importantly, the real biggest problem this week: Spiderwoman’s ass. Read all about the controversy in this weepy post at io9. The post Episode 15 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 15 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 14 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-14/ http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-14/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2014 14:20:24 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=351 Episode 14 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock This week we are joined by special guest, The Alphabet of Manliness illustrator, Leah Tiscione: @leahtiscione Here’s the link to the article about how wine tasting is junk science. And here’s a quick run-down of my ABC News saga that forced them to issue an apology for being … Continue reading Episode 14

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http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-14/feed/ 1 1:10:59 Maddox Gets No Credit, People Who Can't Read Social Cues, Wine Snobs Episode 14 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock People Who Don't Understand Social Cues 226 Wine Snobs 164 Maddox Gets No Credit -139 See All the Problems... This week we are joined by special guest, The Alphabet of Manliness illustrator, Leah Tiscione: @leahtiscione Here’s the link to the article about how wine tasting is junk science. And here’s a quick run-down of my ABC News saga that forced them to issue an apology for being douchebags. And finally: The post Episode 14 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 14 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 13 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-13/ Tue, 12 Aug 2014 18:55:21 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=338 Episode 13 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Here are the depressingly high stats on female genital mutilation from NPR. And here’s the personal account of Nimco Ali, a British national who got cut when she was 7 in Djibouti, Africa if you really want to bum yourself out for a few hours, or minutes depending … Continue reading Episode 13

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1:09:55 Monkey Copyrights, Female Genital Mutilation, Death of Phone Calls, Beats by Dre Episode 13 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Female Genital Mutilation 10772 Beats By Dre 4629 Monkey Copyrights 2777 The Death of Phone Calls 853 See All the Problems... Here are the depressingly high stats on female genital mutilation from NPR. And here’s the personal account of Nimco Ali, a British national who got cut when she was 7 in Djibouti, Africa if you really want to bum yourself out for a few hours, or minutes depending on your tolerance for the practice of vaginal massacre. And here’s the My Fox Chicago story about some guy who got jumped for his Beats By Dre (and was subsequently saved by his “guardian angels”). Here’s the clip of the dumbass who got his Beats stolen. I’d say this is a good thing, but thieves are also annoying and stupid, so his beats are now in the hands of someone slightly more obnoxious: And finally, the ZDNet review of Beats, along with Gawker’s stupid tips on how not to get your Beats stolen. The post Episode 13 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 13 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 12 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-12/ Tue, 05 Aug 2014 07:10:57 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=329 Episode 12 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Here’s the full clip and story about the dickhead Comcast employee who wouldn’t let the customer cancel. And because I’m a man of candor, here’s the article about the extremely rare occurrence of a cyclist killing a pedestrian from the New York Times. The argument about hyphenated names … Continue reading Episode 12

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1:06:12 Too Much Swearing, Anti-Cyclists, The Nuremberg Defense, Hyphenated Names Episode 12 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock The Nuremberg Defense 5095 Hyphenated Names 1332 Anti-Cyclists 204 Too Much Swearing -3755 See All the Problems... Here’s the full clip and story about the dickhead Comcast employee who wouldn’t let the customer cancel. And because I’m a man of candor, here’s the article about the extremely rare occurrence of a cyclist killing a pedestrian from the New York Times. The argument about hyphenated names is that people who can’t make decisions eventually trickle up into positions of power in government, which causes political gridlock and an inability to compromise, hence being the Biggest Problem in the Universe. But feel free to dismiss the nuance and foresight in my argument as you shovel fries down your collective throats. And finally, here’s the CCA, or the cuss control academy. The post Episode 12 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 12 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 11 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-11/ Tue, 29 Jul 2014 07:34:59 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=324 Episode 11 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Here’s the article about the slacktivist RED campaign so you can share my hat(RED) for it. And the USDA stats on fry consumption with an interesting inverse correlation to the rise in obesity according to the CDC. Not that any of this matters because you morons are addicted … Continue reading Episode 11

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1:03:06 Know-it-all masseuses, Slacktivists, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Fries Episode 11 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Slacktivists 10479 Neil deGrasse Tyson 1075 Know-it-all Masseuses 0 Fries -4718 See All the Problems... Here’s the article about the slacktivist RED campaign so you can share my hat(RED) for it. And the USDA stats on fry consumption with an interesting inverse correlation to the rise in obesity according to the CDC. Not that any of this matters because you morons are addicted to your shitty oil-coated starch sticks. The post Episode 11 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 11 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 10 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-10/ Tue, 22 Jul 2014 07:30:11 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=307 Episode 10 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Here’s the video of the CUPID drone (more like stupid–burn for days). Can’t believe they didn’t have the foresight to go with ZEUS. Idiots. And here’s the latest piece of shit anti-crowd drone that’s a precursor to our not-too-distant dystopian Half-Life 2 future. And finally, here’s the note … Continue reading Episode 10

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1:06:34 Indignant Co-hosts, Lady Thor, Drones, Priests Episode 10 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Drones 3247 Priests 3068 Lady Thor 436 Indignant Co-hosts -2290 See All the Problems... Here’s the video of the CUPID drone (more like stupid–burn for days). Can’t believe they didn’t have the foresight to go with ZEUS. Idiots. And here’s the latest piece of shit anti-crowd drone that’s a precursor to our not-too-distant dystopian Half-Life 2 future. And finally, here’s the note sent to us by listener @emotionallyeasy about the “indignant drivers” problem last episode: The post Episode 10 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 10 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 9 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-9/ Tue, 15 Jul 2014 09:06:59 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=295 Episode 9 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Maybe it’s time we all quit telling people how they should or shouldn’t live their lives. If you believe that everyone should be allowed to live their lives how they want, that includes letting people shame others. Shame can be a powerful force for good, as Kotaku points … Continue reading Episode 9

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1:10:18 Indignant Drivers, Shame Shaming, Leaving Your Fly Open, Movie Ratings Episode 9 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Movie Ratings 3842 Shame Shaming 3462 Indignant Drivers 1402 Leaving Your Fly Open -1769 See All the Problems... Maybe it’s time we all quit telling people how they should or shouldn’t live their lives. If you believe that everyone should be allowed to live their lives how they want, that includes letting people shame others. Shame can be a powerful force for good, as Kotaku points out in an article about a cosplayer who lost weight and is now happier because of it. And here’s one of many weepy screeds from Salon about the matter. And the oft-cited study about how fat people live longer, where everyone conveniently ignores the cause: more hospital visits. The post Episode 9 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 9 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 8 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-8/ Tue, 08 Jul 2014 17:22:24 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=284 Episode 8 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster In the last episode, Dick and our audio engineer, Sean, made the claim that they could tell the difference between Diet Coke from McDonald’s and other sources. We had a test to settle the debate. Also, before any idiot starts spouting off about how “House of Cards” deserves … Continue reading Episode 8

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1:06:52 Not enough bartenders, Webby Awards, People Who Think Global Warming is a Problem, Self-Checkout Lines Episode 8 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Webby Awards 1839 Global Warming 1451 Not Enough Bartenders 781 Self-Checkout Lanes -994 See All the Problems... In the last episode, Dick and our audio engineer, Sean, made the claim that they could tell the difference between Diet Coke from McDonald’s and other sources. We had a test to settle the debate. Also, before any idiot starts spouting off about how “House of Cards” deserves a Webby, it’s a show based on a 1990 UK television series that was based on a book published in 1989, eight years before the Webby Awards even existed. As for the “stats” that Dick loathes, here’s the article on MassLive.com about how “self checkout lanes not only do not save their customers time but usually take them even more time.” And yet another article about how Albertson’s grocery store chain is also pulling their heads out of their asses. I win. The post Episode 8 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 8 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 7 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-7/ Tue, 01 Jul 2014 11:15:12 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=265 Episode 7 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock If you want to be enraged by self-described intellects who can’t deign to spend their precious energy on you, here’s “Dr. Carmella’s” guide to understanding introverted people:

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1:02:14 Armchair Psychologists, Shy People, Introverts, The Movie Frozen, The Resolution Race Episode 7 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Armchair Psychologists 7298 The Movie Frozen 1481 The Resolution Race 765 Shy People / Introverts -2055 See All the Problems... If you want to be enraged by self-described intellects who can’t deign to spend their precious energy on you, here’s “Dr. Carmella’s” guide to understanding introverted people: Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 6 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-6/ Tue, 24 Jun 2014 16:34:33 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=254 Episode 6 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Download the Episode Here’s the article from PopSci.com that suggests love of spicy food is built into your personality and why we all need Mexican parents. Here’s Dick’s cool racing rims bro! And finally, the full timeline of our long, drawn-out non-apology to China. Almost two weeks of … Continue reading Episode 6

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1:04:45 US soccer team sucks, people who can't eat spicy foods, condoms, non-apologies Episode 6 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock People who can't eat spicy food 3818 Non-apologies 2620 Condoms -1185 America Sucks at Soccer -2354 See All the Problems... Download the Episode Here’s the article from PopSci.com that suggests love of spicy food is built into your personality and why we all need Mexican parents. Here’s Dick’s cool racing rims bro! And finally, the full timeline of our long, drawn-out non-apology to China. Almost two weeks of bullshit that put billions of dollars in trade and escalated the scenario into an international incident. The post Episode 6 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 6 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 5 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-5/ Tue, 17 Jun 2014 20:39:51 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=245 Episode 5 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Download the Episode Here’s the CBS News clip about the divorce rate going down during a recession, stupid Alex Jones predictions that didn’t happen, and the video about the Raelian Embassy: I won’t link to the 9/11 video because it’s turbo stupid and I don’t want to spread … Continue reading Episode 5

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1:03:48 Table Nazis, Marriage, Car Insurance, Conspiracy Dipshits Episode 5 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Conspiracy Dipshits 8478 Car Insurance 2715 Marriage 1480 Table Nazis -1138 See All the Problems... Download the Episode Here’s the CBS News clip about the divorce rate going down during a recession, stupid Alex Jones predictions that didn’t happen, and the video about the Raelian Embassy: I won’t link to the 9/11 video because it’s turbo stupid and I don’t want to spread it any more than it already has, but if you’re curious, search for “100% Proof Holographic Plane” on YouTube. Correction: the quote I attributed to Lewis Black was actually a Louis CK quote. The post Episode 5 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 5 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 4 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-4/ Tue, 10 Jun 2014 20:53:54 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=233 Episode 4 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Download the Episode

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1:04:28 Guys Who Need to Get Laid, Dogs, College, Expensive Steak Episode 4 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Guys Who Need to Get Laid 2460 College 2247 Expensive Steak 861 Dogs -2096 See All the Problems... Download the Episode The post Episode 4 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 4 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 3 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-3/ Tue, 03 Jun 2014 23:20:45 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=216 Episode 3 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Download the Episode Here’s the “bossy” campaign for thought control: Here’s the article about the BBC banning the “G-word.”

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1:03:18 Other N-Words, Everyone Needs to Lose 20 Pounds, Monkeys, and Telsa Other N-Words, Everyone Needs to Lose 20 Pounds, Monkeys, and Telsa Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 2 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-2/ Tue, 27 May 2014 22:48:37 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=200 Episode 2 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Download the Episode Here are the references for this week’s episode. The horoscope article about precession of the axis discusses the new zodiac sign, “ophiuchus.” Turns out we were both pronouncing it incorrectly. Whatever. If you give a shit, here’s the correct pronunciation. I don’t foresee myself ever … Continue reading Episode 2

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0:54:02 Reusable bags kill people. Horoscopes, the Plastic Bag Ban, Tinder, and Long Emails. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no
Episode 1 http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-1/ Tue, 20 May 2014 23:40:45 +0000 http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/?p=157 Episode 1 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Download the Episode

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0:53:56 Crying, Families, Guys Asking Other Guys About Their Dogs, Maddox Episode 1 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Crying 2156 Guys Asking Other Guys About Their Dogs 285 Families 86 Maddox -4166 See All the Problems... Download the Episode The post Episode 1 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The post Episode 1 appeared first on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Episodes Maddox, Dick Masterson yes no